On Satire Bits: Vol. 105

Cincinnati is currently getting a second dose of abnormally wonderful weather for July. Warm and sunny days with low humidity followed by cool evening temperatures. The other day we had a record low (52 F, 11 C)! As one who doesn’t enjoy high temperatures with high humidity, I could take this all the time!!!

Reminder – Life: The Musical (Act 8) takes to the stage on Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern, US) featuring songs with Man/Men or Woman/Women in the title. Good news … the choices are many!

It appears the golf course my wife and I have been playing regularly for the past 25 years (or so) will be closing at the end of this golf season due to financial difficulties. It’s understandable and the right thing to do, yet sad and unfortunate.

The marketing folks at GEICO have another version of the Hump Day Camel for you to enjoy, but this one is specific for movie theater attendees.

In order to get you through the rest of the week, it’s time for your mid-week dose of satire from The Onion. Any favorites? As is normal custom here, those desiring an extra challenge can develop their own headline by using any combination from the headlines below. “My combo” is at the end

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Increasingly anxious man worried order confirmation email never going to come

Karate studio hoping to get local phone number that spells Kick or Chop

Man unaware all his friends think of him when they want to put things in perspective

Last-ditch dating website asks users to check “Yes” if they have open sores

Study: More couples delaying divorce until kids old enough to remember every painful moment

New Department of Agriculture study finds 85% of US farmers woefully kicking the dirt

God’s will only thing keeping AC unit in window

Report finds more Americans putting off children until companies are ready

Conversations pretty limited when friend not in midst of crisis

Man regrets straying from sour cream and onion potato chips

My Combo: Last-ditch website hoping anxious man delays putting off children until Department of Agriculture check open sores from sour cream and onion potato chips

30 thoughts on “On Satire Bits: Vol. 105

  1. I completely agree with you about the weather, Frank. It was very nice here in New York, too. If only it could always be like it was today. Overall, it was a very nice day. I got a seat on the subway on my way home from The Grind and I had to attend a tile meeting with The Boss where I wasn’t bored out of my mind. … Who we met with was quite attractive, so I took my personality out of moth balls and participated avidly.


  2. I can’t improve on this one! I really laughed. “God’s will only thing keeping AC unit in window.” It’s very disappointing to lose your golf course, I’m sure, Frank. There are just so many things that seem to be changing for all of us. Very sad. I’m looking forward to the Musical tomorrow night. Enjoy your lovely weather, Frank. I’m not enjoying ours very much. 🙂


    • Debra,
      I agree … there’s just something about that AC window unit headline!

      The golf course situation is sad … It’s an employee park that thrived 25-40 years ago that has been in decline the past dozen or so years (for a variety of reasons). Meanwhile, our current weather pattern is better than typical San Diego. 😉 …. Hope you get a break soon!


  3. It’s been a nice week — oh no wait. It rained all Monday. But I’m in Maine so it doesn’t matter. But I’m working, so I guess it does.

    Here’s my take (I do better on these if I wait til morning!)

    Man unaware all his friends think of him if they have open sores.


  4. This is my favorite: Report finds more Americans putting off children until companies are ready

    It is my favorite only because I don’t think it is satirical.

    This is my entry: Man unaware open sores limited when friend not in crises mode.


  5. Frank firstly before I get to my usual dose of the headline, I have to comment on the Golf Course closing… this is happening all over the world and half of the time is a self inflicted wound… Golfers are expecting tournament courses to play on, but only want to pay country club fees… This is a problem all over the world where the industry is in trouble… golfers tend to expect the most perfect greens, bunkers that are all consistent etc etc…. My software that is in use here has surprised many courses when they discover the (normally) second most expensive feature on the course is the bunkers…. and as an ex green keeper, I reiterate the fact it is a hazard…. why are we spending thousands of rands/dollars/pounds per month to have them look so nicely raked and all the same depth of sand… if you can’t play out of a bunker irrespective of condition of sand and depth thereof, don’t freaking go into it, and if you do – expect to be punished – its a hazard…. who in their right mind plays to land in a water hazard as it is easier to play from there, but today you hear in the club house how a golfer aimed to land in the bunker ’cause from there he can put it next to the pin and make a par…. It is such a pity that these facts are causing golf clubs to close as they just can no longer afford to maintain the course in some semblance of play-ability….
    I would like to see clubs return to more difficult conditions due to the rough being what it says, rough… bunkers play them as you find them and fairways a little less billiard table like… I know what it costs to maintain courses, I know what my analytical software is telling me what other courses are paying to maintain their courses… and sorry to say but it is all to effing much, and for this, courses of necessity have to close… Now for the headlines….
    “New Department of Agriculture study finds sour cream and onion painful in open sores”


    • Bulldog,
      In terms of your headline … I guess the moral of the story is don’t eat sour cream & onions if one has open sores.

      Thanks for your take of the golf industry. Very interesting and I appreciate your insight. In this case, the grounds staff of one (and an occasional replacement) has done an unbelievable job of maintaining high quality with limited resources. Then again, area golfers don’t know much about the place … and what they do know, much is incorrect. However, the course is part of a larger grounds of an employee park owned by an employee association … and given the financials and the trends, it simply can’t sustain itself.


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