HEY HEY HEY … WEDNESDAY IS ALL-CAPS DAY … BUT I’M NOT YELLING … JUST CELEBRATING!!!
AUTUMN HAS UNQUESTIONABLY ARRIVED IN CINCINNATI, AND MANY OF THE LEAVES ARE BEAUTIFUL … I ESPECIALLY LOVE THE REDS. NONETHELESS, REGARDLESS OF LEAVE COLOR PREFERENCE, MY LONG-TIME READERS WILL BE GLAD TO KNOW THAT REMOVING FALLEN LEAVES IS NOT ON MY AGENDA, AND I DON’T MISS IT!!!!
EVEN THOUGH I’M NOT YELLING, I WANT TO KEEP THIS HARD-TO-READ STUFF AT A MINIMUM.
LET’S MOVE ON TO YOUR MIDWEEK DOSE OF SATIRE. BELOW THE IMAGE ARE THE HEADLINES FROM THE ONION (AND IN NORMAL PRINT). DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE? DON’T FORGET ABOUT THE EXTRA CHALLENGE OF CREATING YOUR OWN HEADLINE BY USING ANY OF THE WORDS BELOW. MY “COMBO” IS AT THE END. HAVE A GOOD REST OF THE WEEK!
Fire flies almost salvage man’s lousy day
Mom $15,000 in the hole with ceramic frog dealer
Study: Average American has over 9 million imagined sexual partners in lifetime
Patient zero kicking back in 38-c with episode of New Girl
Pitiful man struggles to find reason not to watch rebroadcast of 2006 football game
Man under impression he went down fighting
Man wearing M&M jacket made in God’s image
Report: Stagnant economy forcing more Americans to take jobs as infrastructure
Study: 73% of bedroom closets have wife’s boy-toy crouched naked inside
New Nike running app tell you what you are running from
My Combo: Man wearing wife’s jacket running from naked new girl struggles fighting frog as sexual partner
I am that pitiful man! But it’s an Expos game from ’86. Tim Raines for Hall of Fame… god I’m a geek.
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Trent,
Rock is one heck of a player! … and glad you could relate to (and admit to) that headline.
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So picture this. It’s 1986. I’m a young tyke imported from Europe, trying to figure out this baseball thing. I hear about this “collusion” thing and I’m like, huh? The owners conspired to keep salaries low, and as a result, some players sat out the first month of the season? Well here’s this Rock chap, first game back, playing in Shea Stadium and boom! He goes like 4 for 5 with a grand slam and just dominates the game. It was awesome, will never forget that game.
TR belongs in the HoF. One of the most efficient, effective lead-off men ever. Not quite Rickey Henderson level, but there’s only one who ever got there anyway.
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I see Rock’s stats being similar to Vada Pinson, a very good player in the 60s-70s. Thus the rub for both, is the HOF for the very good? … and as we know, comparing their stats with members in the HOF doesn’t work … after all, Davey Concepcion has comparable and even better numbers than some HOF shortstops.
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Take his hits, WARP, on-base, amazing success rate as a base-stealer, all of it… I think he’s quite a bit better than Pinson, especially against his peers. I think Henderson is above him as a lead-off man, but Raines was the second best who did it in the modern age… I’m also intensely biased on the matter!
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My point isn’t to compare Pinson and Raines, but to say that players with similar stats have a difficult time getting into the Hall.
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Also check out this article: http://www.si.com/mlb/strike-zone/2013/12/06/jaws-and-the-2014-hall-of-fame-ballot-tim-raines
It has an awesome comparison between Raines and a HoF’er who got in easily.
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Baseball has many stats, thus allowing anyone to favorable stats for the desired comparison. I wouldn’t complain if Raines got in, but ahead of Gwynn? Nope … I don’t buy it.
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Mr. Gwynn, however great a player, did not get on base at the rate Mr. Raines did. I would argue that getting on base is the single best attribute for players of this type. The advanced stat stuff is not always right, but it does shed interesting light on certain players. Honestly, I’d rather have a 0.250 hitter with a 0.550 slugging percentage than a singles hitter who wins batting titles but doesn’t walk. But this is exactly why they’re not asking me to manage big-league teams!
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My eyes!! My precious eyes!!! I love fall too, but please… please promise me you will never post in all-caps again. It’s like trying to read a blog post emblazoned on the surface of the sun.
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Twixt,
No kidding … simply horrible. Where I used to work, the Admin sent most emails in all caps .. horrible …. I finally told her that they were hard to read, but told me she did it because of ease … nonetheless, she stopped.
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It’s all about the little victories!
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“Average American struggles to find M&M crouched naked inside football game.”—At least I know I do.
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Carrie,
What would be the color of a naked M&M? I assume dark brown but without the M … so the dark brown with the M is flesh-toned body suit.
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Sure, make me think this morning. 😉
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OK … you don’t have to answer until any PM time.
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Your Devon Still did a nice thing for this girl.
http://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2014/10/21/7027065/devon-still-lauren-hill-surprise
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Jim,
Both of their stories have made national attention … and good to see that Still’s visit made the news outside of locally so quickly.
FYI: Her team’s season opener got moved up and changed from an away game to a home game because of her. Mt. St. Joe is a small college, so it’s gym probably only seats a couple thousand at best. Because of the demand and attention, the game has been changed to Xavier’s arena (capacity 10K+) … at Xavier’s expense.
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I watched the 7 min video from that link. They said it was changed to a home game. But, didn’t know about the Xavier move. Good news.
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Originally it was to be an away game … but the opponent agreed to switch and the NCAA agree the season to start early for one game … thus many good stories in this one.
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Jim … here’s an update.
Tickets went on sale this morning … sold out in one hour … that’s over 10K tickets … online Ticket agency waived their fee.
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excellent!
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Fire flies wearing M&M jackets tell you what you are running from. (probably them!) Hope you’re having a good week, Frank.
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Amy,
I’ve seen those fire flies!
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Naked man running from 9 million ceramic frogs
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X,
I hope he makes it to the cliff in order to jump!
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That doesn’t sound like much improvement to his situation.
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Sometimes likes work out, other times …. well ….
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GREAT WAY TO START MY MORNING. THANK YOU FRANK 🙂
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Al,
Perfect! … and thanks for the chuckles.
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😀 You’re welcome Couldn’t resist the caps. Unless it was Andy Capp of course 😛
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I stopped reading the headlines at the ‘average American has over 9 million imagined sexual partners’…… Gads, when do you guys get anything done? Sorry Frank, I’m laughing too much to proffer anything that could compete with that headline – though I saw yours and it came pretty close! 😀
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Pauline,
Contrary to popular opinion, this shows males can multi-task! … But I’m thinking, only 9 million? Hmmm … Oh … that’s the average.
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Man’s 9 million imagined sexual partners running from wife’s ceramic frog dealer wearing God’s kicking image.
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Ponder,
LOL … loved the way you used the 9 million!
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I don’t know where they got that study data–it’s a rather large number, even for the biggest rascals I’ve ever met or heard of. My own number couldn’t possibly exceed a dozen….
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The source is the most important thing to know about the study … after all, it’s from The Onion.
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Hell Frank … I know South Africans tend to exaggerate on polls and questionnaires…. but I think the Americans that answered this study were pushing the envelope a tad… “Study: Average American has over 9 million imagined sexual partners in lifetime” that could be tiring…
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Bulldog,
Don’t forget that the 9 million is an average … thus many are above that!
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All-caps day should be banned, matter of fact, the “Caps Lock” key should be removed from all keyboards. Those few paragraphs were very painful.
Wife’s boy-toy forcing man’s ceramic frog dealer to take jacket.
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Catherine,
You hit the reason why I kept the pre-headlines text short. Meanwhile, oh the power boy-toys hold.
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lol! I did laugh at a few of them, but I have one, a real headline from this week, that I saved for you because it sounds so much like one from The Onion:
http://www.cleveland.com/akron/index.ssf/2014/10/man_not_worried_about_ebola_af.html
“Man not worried about Ebola after visiting same bridal shop as Amber Joy Vinson”
(Amber Joy Vinson is the health care worker who visited Akron, OH recently.)
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Robin,
Oh wow … that’s a convoluted mouth full! 🙂
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Since none of your Onion headlines came close to scoring above my 7 out of a possible 10 impact benchmark, I’ve decided to give today’s “What Hit Me In The Face First” award to your ALL-CAPS FORMAT with a very respectable 8.7 out of 10.
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Tim,
LOL …and thankfully this won’t happen again in the near future. Talk about hard to read!!!
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Well I’m celebrating Wednesday with you! Have a good one Frank ~
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Mary,
Cheers to your Wednesday!!!
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Hope you are having a better day than this guy.
“man’s imagined sexual struggles in bedroom with naked New Girl not reason to have lousy day”
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Fasab,
Whoa Nellie .. that one caused me to take a second look … Therefore … EXCELLENT!
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Sexual partner of new girl went back into the closet wearing wife’s jacket running from M&M dealer.
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Leo,
Another M&M dealer? What’s happening to our world!!!!
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HAPPY HUMP/TYPE IN ALL CAPS DAY, FRANK!
HERE’S MINE: Man wearing M&M jacket went down fighting in God’s image
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Elyse,
This ALL-CAPS thing is an eye strain .. but at least you kept it short! …. Good one …. at least you didn’t do the reverse … God fighting with man over M&M jacket
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That would have been ridiculous!
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Thank you.
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I love the Nike running app headline. 😀 “Average American struggles with ceramic frog impression.” Are you one of them Frank? 🙂
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Sylvia,
Absolute one of them because I struggle with all impressions.
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I just love Fall…yet it’s so fleeting. I love what I call “the mango effect” where the tree has several colors all in layers above each other. 🙂
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Java,
Because you enjoy fall walks, here ya go … https://afrankangle.wordpress.com/2014/10/20/on-a-walktober-town-walk/ ….. on this post I have links to other walks … Enjoy!
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Thanks!!!!
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Average American struggles running from M&M dealer….
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Cynthia,
Oh no … now the dealers have taken over M&Ms.
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Fire flies almost salvage man’s lousy 9 million imagined sexual partners.
Couldn’t help myself Frank, just couldn’t.
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Val,
Oh come on … fire flies can’t do that! 😉
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I like this one.. Report: Stagnant economy forcing more Americans to take jobs as infrastructure… Maybe there will be a few in Government soon looking for a new job.. isnt it your elections soon?
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Sue,
We have an election in a few weeks … of those in Washington, election day is for 1/3 of the Senate and all of the House … 2016 is the big one as the White House is added to the above. Meanwhile, no doubt in my mind, the majority of those holding office and running again will win.
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That’s a lot of ‘imaginary sex partners’ Frank. Whoa! (Does anybody get past that stat or all we just trying to count the ones we’ve had?)
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Renee,
A reminder … that’s an average … so for the person with zero, another had 18 million. 😉
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I kind of fell off the rail this week so I’m only now getting a bit caught up! I am so glad you gave ALL CAPS DAY its due! I was concerned about it being overlooked. Seems I need not have worried. 🙂
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Debra,
ALL CAPS DAY took a lot our of readers, as well as me.
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