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On Satire Bits: Vol. 119

Cheers to 2015’s first Wednesday!

How is your week so far? Cincinnati has received a blast of winter, but it’s affecting many in the US. Nonetheless, it’s nothing like last winter!

Time for a test … Do you remember the key words for the week?

Life: The Musical is the next post with Act 15 featuring songs with old, older, oldest, elderly, or aging in the title. Act 15 starts Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern US). Two Cautions: 1) “Getting Old” is the theme, so titles as 12 Year Old Boy would be deemed unacceptable because the boy isn’t old. 2) My Old Kentucky Home is unacceptable because I hate the University of Kentucky.

On to your mid-week dose of satire from The Onion. Which is your favorite? Plus, it’s time for the 2015’s first attempt at the Combination Challenge. For any newbies, from the words (and only those words) in The Onion headlines below the image, create your own, very original headline. My combo is at the end.

Has anyone ridden in a car like these two people? Have a good rest of the week.

Embed from Getty Images

Poll: 80% of Americans would get in vehicle with stranger for chance at new life

Genetics emphatically deny playing any part in area man’s body

Researchers: Quality of sleep may be affected by abandoning family in 1994

Coworkers putting in Herculean effort to sustain conversation for entire commute

Pastor always knew agnostic would come crawling back to church for wedding

Man has only self to blame for what’s in targeted banner

Moronic mailroom worker worked way down from CEO

Hero of the Common Man talks to plumber for entire time while in house

Area mom raving about Phoenix airport

Responsible man sets aside small portion of every paycheck for bank to gamble

Man realizes he’s the only one of college friends falling out of touch

My Combo: Agnostic pastor raving about responsible man abandoning family for moronic hero

50 thoughts on “On Satire Bits: Vol. 119”

  4. Is that bubble wrap the new air bag? Ha! Oh, I should be able to come up with something for getting older since I’m not getting younger. It’s been cold here, but it just started to warm up a little. Up to 60. I’m sure that’s balmy compared to what you have!

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    • Amy,
      The bubble wrap is a settlement for those who own the cars with the faulty airbags. It’s quite cold here as today with wind chills -10 or lower the next two days before a warm up. I’m staying in as much as possible. Meanwhile, because you’re not getting any younger, do you know anyone who is? 😉

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  7. Among today’s unusually hard nosed group of Onion Headlines, I liked “Hero of the Common Man talks to plumber for entire time while in house” for its humor/egalitarianism, and “Area mom raving about Phoenix airport” for its masterfully word efficient banality.

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  12. That couple in the car is safe until… we start bursting those bubbles, I mean who can resist?! I liked the headline of the “Hero of the Common Man talks to plumber for entire time while in house” as I know someone (no names mentioned) who does that! Hehe his wife says it ends up costing them double when it’s pay by the hour.

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  13. Love the bubble wrap. I reckon that would allow me to keep eating whatever I like whilst shedding pounds on the way to social gatherings where I needed to look my best. Here’s my mash-up…
    “80% of coworkers quality of sleep may be affected by abandoning moronic mailroom worker.”

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      • Works better for weight loss in the summer…desperate times call for desperate measures…
        A moron is always popular. Like going clubbing with your overweight friend, having someone moronic by your side makes you look positively brain-surgeonic 😉

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        • Er…what does it involve? My first life? (I thought this one was my first life?!) The musical? Do I have to sing and dance? I can play the tuba. I was once going to study it at musical college but then puberty hit and I suddenly realised “what am I DOING! I am never going to find a boyfriend playing this thing!” and my adoration for the tuba disappeared ;). does that mean I could take “Tubby the tuba” as my musical? 😉

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        • Nope … you don’t have to sing, dance, play the tuba, or accompany Tubby the Tuba. All you have to do is find a song with one of the following in the title: old, older, oldest, elderly, aging, or aged. … and then add it to your comment. … a couple of twists: 1) No duplicates from previous comments, 2) Old should imply old, for instance 12-year=old is not old, 3) My Old Kentucky Home is prohibited, and 4) the cranky producer has the final word to accept or deny. The musical is about people, so Old Shoe although fits, but producer will scowl.

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