On the Approaching White Death

Death is upon Cincinnati’s doorstep. For the past few days, local weather forecasters have been discussing an impending winter storm. Monday started with a calm and a sense of daily certainty, but now, it’s Monday night and going into Tuesday, the White Death is nearing.

Grocery stores are mass mayhems. Bread, milk, and water are gone with no return in sight. People are fighting over spam, beanie weanies, and rutabagas.

Looting is across the metro area. People are selling their kids to parents in warmer countries in order to preserve their future of prosperity. Attorneys are inundated with will updates.  Bengal ownership is threatening to change their ways. Others are running through the streets while invoking the name of Al Gore. Oh my – the tyranny of it all!

Meanwhile, local media are readying for the school closing list, scheduling film crews to ride with road crews, and positioning reporters to all corners of the city – to the west and to the east – to the north and to the south – all in the name of foregoing national, world news, and pre-empting programming for the fear and pestilence that lies ahead … the predicted 2-to-5 inches of snow.

Meanwhile, on this day I must leave early to be amongst the hardworking Cincinnatians who pledge without fear to uphold the local work  ethic, as I embark on the slow drive to the dentist to receive the prep work to replace a crown.

Oh God – why do you forsake us! I never blamed the weather on Speaker Boehner! Oh, the music …