On a Virtual Massage

I hope everyone had a safe and wonderful weekend. How did you spend your time?

Although we were not zooming around at the speed of light, we were able to do some outdoor work, spend an evening on the ballroom floor. attend a church-group wine tasting, and celebrate Ice Cream Day.

I was busy enough to not be able to respond to the comments on Saturday’s Foghorn Leghorn tribute post. Therefore, in an attempt to catch up on the comments and reading your blogs, I’ll only post the mid-week Satire Bits and Friday’s Opinion in the Shorts. No decision yet on Saturday Morning Cartoon Classics.

Celebrations for your week

  • (Week) Everyone Deserves a Massage Week, Independent Retailers Week, Zoo Keeper Week, Restless Leg Syndrome Education & Awareness Week
  • (Mon) Get Out of the Doghouse Day, Legal Drinking Age Day, No Pet Store Puppies Day, Hug Your Kid Day, Monkey Day, Tug-of-War Day, Junk Food Day, Creme Brulee Day
  • (Tues) Casual Pi Day, Penuche Fudge Day, Rat-Catchers Day, Pied Piper of Hamelin Day, Hammock Day, Spoonerism Day
  • (Wed) Hog Dog Day, Hot Enough for Ya Day, Gorgeous Grandma Day, Maple Syrup Day, Mosquito Day, Vanilla Ice Cream Day
  • (Thurs) Cousins Day, Drive-Thru Day, Tequila Day, Tell an Old Joke Day

Knowing this is Everyone Deserves a Massage Week, instead of starting your week with a chuckle, sit back and relax to a bit of Nirvana.

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On Satire Bits: Vol. 74

How’s your week so far? Because it’s massage week (and before your dose of mid-week satire), here’s a mid-week rubdown for those who desire.

How was that for a precursor to Monday’s International Chocolate Day?

Our temperature has been falling and we could even see a few flakes in the morning! YIKES!!!! … and the rest of the week will be colder than normal. Brrrrrr … it’s too early for this!!!!

Thanks for all the best wishes for my mother-in-law. She’s out of the hospital, and is now in a rehab unit to gain physical strength and confidence – which has to be difficult for someone at 85.

Because it fall/autumn for the northern hemisphere, and as a follow-up to yesterday’s walk, I dived into The Onion’s vault of archives in search of satirical headlines for the season. Hope you enjoy!

Because raking leaves is a common endeavor for fall, here are graphics from The Onion’s archives: What is under a leaf pile; Popular autumn activities; and Most popular autumn foods.

Pumpkin makes a roll for it

New rake model arrives at stores

Scientists warn autumn will kill us all

Mr. Autumn Man walking down street with cup of coffee, wearing sweater over plaid-collared shirt

Indoor grill owner can’t wait for start of autumn

Area plant displays leaves

Morbidly obese pumpkin wins contest

Leaf hunting season begins

Pumpkin seeds saved, dried, roasted, salted, offered, refused, tossed

Lucy says of pumpkin, “It’s a fall idol, Charlie Brown”

Last Ruben Studdard reference wafts into the cool evening air of fall

Fall cancelled after 3 billion seasons

Any favorites? Have a good rest of the week!

On Satire Bits: Vol. 55

After the cool weekend, the first part of the week has been wonderful weather. It appears one more day is possible before the rain clouds move back into the area – which also means get some yard work done!

The classic video of Lucy and the chocolates on the conveyor belt was a big hit. After others commented on the upcoming chocolate and wine event, I decided to declare this week as Chocolate and Wine Week. If you noticed, yesterday was a wine post.

For your midweek dose of satire, I searched The Onion’s archives for past headlines involving chocolate … and a bonus video. Any favorites?

20 idiots evacuated from Times Square M&M’s store

Half of sleeve of Oreos lost in house fire

More Vegetables evolving chocolate-sauce-filled centers as evolutionary imperative

Local resident like a chocoholic, but for booze

Ozzy Osbourne bites head off five-pound chocolate rabbit

Report: Double-stuffed Oreos could raise tolerance to stuff

Blood thirty, undead ghoul advocates chocolate-cereal consumption

Hershey ordered to pay obese Americans $135 billion

U.N. orders Wonka to submit to chocolate factory inspections

Chocolate pudding futures up $2 per barrel

Praise the Lord … and pass the chocolate

……

Chocolate and Wine Week continues tomorrow. Meanwhile, here’s a special video for chocolate lovers.