On Satire Bits: Vol. 121

A mid-week greeting to all!

How’s your week going so far? Mine has been low-key, and believe it or not, no dancing yet.

Yesterday’s post about education was well received. Perspectives from UK, Finland, Canada, South Africa, Spain, New Zealand, India, Argentina, and USA .. and all about statements made many years ago. I should have another collection ready for next week.

The next post is Life: The Musical – Act 16 featuring songs with dead, die, dies, died, or death in the title. Get your songs ready because curtain time is Wednesday at 9:30 PM (Eastern US).

Below the image are your mid-week bits of satire from The Onion. For that extra challenge, jump into the fray by developing your very own original headline from the words below. So hey … my combo is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week.

Grandfather seems proud of how many people polio killed

Life-changing epiphany wears off on ride home

Wrong turn finds man on poor side of mall

New employee has never known decadent pleasures of old office

Man tinkering with anecdote set list before next date

Married couple frustrated after months of unsuccessfully trying to sell baby

Report: America still world leader in manufacturing excuses

Completely uninhibited party guest still choosing to talk about work

Young child still developing antibodies to Mountain Dew

More Americans putting off marriage until ultimatum

China vows to begin aggressively falsifying air pollution numbers

New History Channel program explores what would have happened if History Channel never existed

My Combo: Uninhibited married couple proud of pleasures in old office

On Satire Bits: Vol. 118

Hello mid-week! How’s your week going?

I had a post ready, but then thought about how busy many are at this time, so I decided to go into slow-down mode. No post tomorrow, but Opinion in the Shorts will end the week. Next week, I’ll have several posts, then after Christmas, I hope to have an Explore series together – that is, light posts on a single topic to enjoy and learning.

The videos are two acts that didn’t get a chance to perform at the holiday party, so at least they get a chance to help with your mid-week boost. Did you watch/listen to either?

Because the rat-race that this time of year brings to many, I didn’t even do a combo … but hey – at least your mid-week dose of satire from The Onion is below. For the joys of the female readers, the headlines feature men … so come on ladies, which one tickled your funny bone?

Have a good rest of the week.

Phone call with Dad just watered-down version of phone call with Mom

Man somehow thinks he doesn’t have enough alone time

Man’s family raises to record-high fourth priority

Area man locked in protracted battle with sweatshirt neckhole

Man sort of curious what his last straw will be

Man scolded by brother-in-law for not taking better advantage of open bar

Man wants just one trip to laundromat where he doesn’t meet perfect woman

Man going to trust society’s determination that he deserves his privilege

Man trying to enter conversation spends several minutes smiling and nodding at the edge of circle

Man announces pan to take out anger on first less-powerful person he sees

On Satire Bits: Vol. 114

How’s your week going?

YIKES … winter’s first strike is approaching Cincinnati. Cold temps are one thing, but forecasts are saying 10-14 days of the stuff. Hey … it’s early November!

Tuesday was a work holiday for my wife, so we took advantage of the movie theater’s all-day-Tuesday $5.50 price. Because Mathew McConaughey is on her “exception list” and she enjoys science fiction, we chose Interstellar. It’s definitely science fiction and well done … plus an interesting collection of stars .. It’s a bit to out-there for my taste … but it held my attention.

The next post is the next act of Life: The Musical. The keyword is Love, but keep it to love, thus not other forms of the word. The act starts Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern US). BTW – don’t forget to write the song’s title and artist in your comment because this helps others see the songs already used.

Time for your mid-week dose of satire from The Onion. Any favorites? Don’t forget the extra challenge of making an original headline by using the words in the headlines below. My Combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week!

Amusement park plans new 9600 mile (15,450 km) endurance coaster

US Forest Service kills off Smokey the Bear to get people serious about fire safety

Night out thrown off-balance by friend unexpectedly bringing someone

Symphony orchestra simply cannot wait for collaboration with John Mellencamp

Man wearing low-cut swimsuit as through public pool a sun-kissed Sardinian cove

Washed-up toddler can’t point things out like he used to

Weak-willed termite eats whole log in one sitting … (my favorite)

Report: Average American loses $5000 each year from splitting check

Educational puppet pelted with crayons

Procrastinating Congressional candidate will eventually release rivals drug-arrest record

My Combo: Weak-willed, washed-up Congressional candidate wearing Smokey the Bear swimsuit in symphony orchestra unexpectedly pelted John Mellencamp

On Satire Bits: Vol. 111

HEY HEY HEY … WEDNESDAY IS ALL-CAPS DAY … BUT I’M NOT YELLING … JUST CELEBRATING!!!

AUTUMN HAS UNQUESTIONABLY ARRIVED IN CINCINNATI, AND MANY OF THE LEAVES ARE BEAUTIFUL … I ESPECIALLY LOVE THE REDS. NONETHELESS, REGARDLESS OF LEAVE COLOR PREFERENCE, MY LONG-TIME READERS WILL BE GLAD TO KNOW THAT REMOVING FALLEN LEAVES IS NOT ON MY AGENDA, AND I DON’T MISS IT!!!!

EVEN THOUGH I’M NOT YELLING, I WANT TO KEEP THIS HARD-TO-READ STUFF AT A MINIMUM.

LET’S MOVE ON TO YOUR MIDWEEK DOSE OF SATIRE. BELOW THE IMAGE ARE THE HEADLINES FROM THE ONION (AND IN NORMAL PRINT). DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE? DON’T FORGET ABOUT THE EXTRA CHALLENGE OF CREATING YOUR OWN HEADLINE BY USING ANY OF THE WORDS BELOW. MY “COMBO” IS AT THE END. HAVE A GOOD REST OF THE WEEK!

Fire flies almost salvage man’s lousy day

Mom $15,000 in the hole with ceramic frog dealer

Study: Average American has over 9 million imagined sexual partners in lifetime

Patient zero kicking back in 38-c with episode of New Girl

Pitiful man struggles to find reason not to watch rebroadcast of 2006 football game

Man under impression he went down fighting

Man wearing M&M jacket made in God’s image

Report: Stagnant economy forcing more Americans to take jobs as infrastructure

Study: 73% of bedroom closets have wife’s boy-toy crouched naked inside

New Nike running app tell you what you are running from

My Combo: Man wearing wife’s jacket running from naked new girl struggles fighting frog as sexual partner

On Satire Bits: Vol. 110

How’s your week gone so far?

With today being a dreary day in Cincinnati, I decided to start my quest of dedicating as much of one day as possible to writing. So, hey … I now have some posts already in the queue!

No golf league in my schedule means I get an extra evening at home. But, that also means I will prepare dinner. My wife had to leave quickly this evening, so I kept it simple – spaghetti with a personally made meat sauce with Italian sausage, onions, fennel seed, basil, red wine, and tomatoes – and then top the plate with crumbled feta cheese.

A reminder that the next act of Life: The Musical goes live Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern US). Because we know life is more than work, Play (as in having fun) is the theme, so get your songs reading with any of the following in the title: Play, Playing, Fun, or a fun activity (such as swimming). The producer is worried about this one, so good luck.

It’s time for that mid-week boost of satire to give you a burst toward the weekend. You also have a chance to create your own, original satirical headline by using the words in the headlines below the image. Have a good rest of the week.

Going-out-of-business sign thanks neighborhood for 3 months of no support whatsoever

More couples using wedding drones to film nuptials

Entirety of man’s personal data protected by reference to third season of West Wing

Homosexuality only thing parent can accept about son

Employer totally botches job interview

New law requires welfare recipients to submit sweat to prove how they are looking for a job

Wife already knows the one thing she’ll say that can never be taken back

Drug company releases new drug to treat people who feel sort of weird sometimes

New Kindle helps readers show off by shouting title of book loudly and repeatedly

Groundbreaking young adult novel features protagonist who’s a bit of a loner

My Combo: Loner wife helps drug company treat wedding couples with no drugs

Opinions in the Shorts: Vol. 235

On Politics
With a third of the US Senate up for re-election,there is a consistency that makes me chuckle. Republicans are linking their Democratic opponents to President Obama. That means elect me to a 6-year term because the President Obama has 2 years remaining.

Earlier this week I saw my first TV ad for Senator Mitch McConnell (R-KY) in which he didn’t mention President Obama.

Despite the fact that Congress has lower approval rating than President Obama, the majority of the incumbents will win re-election.

This Week’s Headlines from The Onion
Olympic swimmer Phelps banned from having any contact with water for 6 months
Man wishes there wasn’t so much blank room on anniversary card
Local oaf not sure which part of counter to place order
Documentary viewer can’t wait to find out which 4 lads from Liverpool changed music forever
Serial killer makes an impassioned case for protecting local marsh
Nation’s cuckolded husbands gear up for first day of hunting season with wives’ lovers

The Onion’s list of must-watch fall TV shows includes Lamp Wars, Dance Baboons, and Pumpkin Patch Pickers.

Interesting Reads
Creationism’s disjointed science
An interview with Mikahil Gorbachev
Hummingbird madness
Improve wasting time
Herbert Hoover and the Colorado River

On Potpourri
A tip of the cap to the New England Patriots for generosity. During a commercial break, the team showed a video of Leah Still, the young daughter of a player on the opposing team with a rate cancer. Following the video, the crowd cheered, the Patriot cheerleaders were Still’s #75, and the Patriot owner donated $25,000 to Cincinnati Children’s Hospital. Interestingly, the Cincinnati Bengals can’t keep up on stocking #75 jerseys as 100% of sales go to a Cincinnati Children’s Hospital and pediatric cancer care and research. Yes … like many, Devon Still (the player and father) shed tears on the sidelines.

Speaking of Cincinnati, I’ve set our DVR as Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives on Food Network features my city in a new episode. Check your listings, but the first airing of the “One Street Wonders” episode is Friday night at 10 pm (Eastern US). Here’s a link to the episode schedule at Food Network.

I really like the Delta Airline commercial titled No Bag Left Behind. For those who haven’t seen it, click here.

Leaves are starting to turn, then make their way to the ground; which means this will be my year (since 1987) when I’m not on a twice-a-week 6-to-8-week mission of dealing with fallen leaves. … so NO … I’m not going to miss that!

I had a great view to watch Wednesday morning’s lunar eclipse. But after the moon was completely in the shadow, it ducked behind a tree.

I’ll have another attempt for Life: The Musical next week … well, as long as I remember to announce the acceptable words on Monday for the Play theme.

Hey hey hey … a Saturday Morning Cartoon post will be there for your Saturday.

Your weekend celebrations

  • (Fri) Handbag Day, Egg Day, Mental Health Day, Emergency Nurses Day, Newspaper Carrier, Porridge Day, Homeless Day, Angel Food Cake Day
  • (Sat) Coming Out Day, Costume Swap Day, Family Bowling Day, Southern Food Heritage Day, Music Day, Food Truck Day, Sausage Pizza Day, It’s My Party Day, You Go Girl Day
  • (Sun) Frustration Scream Day, Scream & Shout Day, Day of the Six Billion, Clergy Appreciation Day, Free Thought Day

To send you into the weekend, here’s a classic hit. Interestingly, it was part of an LP released in 1972 on the Wooden Nickel record label. Oh, of course, it must be Lady by Styx. Have a safe weekend and in the words of Garrison Keillor, Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

On Satire Bits: Vol. 109

I don’t know about you, but this week hasn’t gone as planned … not even close. Oh well, it happens. I initially planned the next act of Life: The Musical, but I didn’t provide the criteria on Monday. Once again, it happens – so I’ll push that into next week with hopes of remembering on Monday. That’s just an example of my blog life, but the first two days have been a bit more hectic than I planned. Oh well, it happens.

Enough of my week, how’s yours going so far?

On to your dose of mid-week satire to provide some humor to propel you toward the weekend. Below are headlines from The Onion. Is there one that you find the most humorous? For those wanting more of a challenge, try forming your own original headline with the words in the headlines below the pic. My combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

New Toyota “Driver Easy Speak” feature helps parents yell at children in back of car

Guy in front of you ordering for entire construction crew

Grandpa looking absolutely precious in new baseball cap

Nation’s gratuitously sexual couples announce plans to wait in line at amusement park

Doctors say average heart attack victim doesn’t clutch at chest nearly dramatically enough

Area man somewhat disturbed to think perfect woman for him out there somewhere

Study finds college still more worthwhile than spending 4 years chained to radiator

Open-minded man willing to look past Jennifer Lawrence’s flaws

New study finds running 20 minutes each day could add years of soreness to life

Man hates being in position to think, feel, and act

My Combo: Jennifer Lawrence find 20 minutes to think, feel, and act like grandpa