On Satire Bits: The Finale

The first post I dedicated to a collection of satire from The Onion was on November 8, 2011. Five weeks later, the second post. The weekly feature started the following month, January 10, 2012. Somewhere along the line, Curmudgeon-at-Large suggested what became the Combo Challenge .. .and the rest is history. (Thanks Mudge!)

The previous post explained a change in this blog’s format … and On Satire Bits is a casualty from the reality stick’s blow. That’s OK, after all, it’s been a good run of 134 posts. A special thanks to The Onion for making it easy.

Before we get on to the final Combo Challenge, a reminder that Meals: The Musical continues with Act 5 featuring Ingredients. Although there is much latitude here, song titles must include herbs, flavorings, spices, and common ingredients that aren’t dishes themselves. Herbs and spices are acceptable on their own. On the other hand, stay away from fruits, vegetables, meats, chocolate, and anything that might cause the producer’s shorts to knot. Curtain time is 9:30 pm (Eastern US) Wednesday.

Although some voluntarily participate creating their own headlines in the small collection in Opinions in the Shorts, the time has come for the final Combo Challenge. For the occasion, some of the headlines below the image are from the first Satire Bits. Make your own headline from the words from the headlines below. My Combo is at the end.

Thanks again for supporting On Satire Bits, have a good week, and hope to see you at the theater for Act 5.

Coal lobby warns wind farms may blow Earth off orbit

Adult bookstore to enhance shopping experience with café

An over-the-top Chinese salute to Lady Gaga, with old people

Chickenpox lollipops ineffective

Google “opt-out” feature lets users protect privacy by moving to remote village

Jennifer Lopez comes out with own clothesline line

Facebook increases user control with new ‘Cancel Account’ feature

Tests biased against students who don’t give a shit

Restaurant gives totally unwanted twist to Mexican cuisine

High school student taking rejection from first-choice college in stride as if future not over

Totally unknown guy strolling around your part of office for some reason

Report: Income inequality most apparent during fifth grade classmates birthday party

Parents of crying child must not be any good

Teen makes clever remark in science class

My Combo: Jennifer Lopez crying in adult bookstore over Lady Gaga experience

On Satire Bits: Vol. 129

Hey there? How’s your week going?

Mine has been OK to this point with some errands, visits, phone calls, etc. I cram those into the first part of the week because my part-time job occupies the end of the week. It’s another week without a golf league – but the season is early, so I’m hopeful that some opportunities will become available.

Several times I’ve mentioned that my wife and I are in a Quickstep formation at a local studio. So far, it has been quite the torture for numerous reasons, but we’re trying. Many readers probably do not know much about the dance, so the next post will be about Quickstep.

On to the mid-week satire from The Onion with hopes of delivering a chuckle. Don’t forget the Combo Challenge, which gives you a chance to make your own satirical headline. All you have to do is limit yourself to the world that are in the headlines below the picture. My Combo is at the end.

Any favorites? Have a good rest of the week.

Scout returns with news from quicker checkout line to the east

Study finds employees most productive they set their own salaries

Area man could have made same meal at home but worse

US Government offers 100 million Americans generous severance deal to leave country

Report: Reuben rated top mid-size sandwich in its class

Woman’s parents accepting of mixed-attractiveness relationship

Report: Mom has plans for tub of whipped cream in fridge – don’t eat it!

Area man only one with problems

Man looks on helplessly as friend tells him story he’s already heard

Mankind tired of having to remind itself of good in the world

Condo board maintains purity of bloodline through generations of intermarriage

My Combo: Rueben looks helplessly at woman’s generous offer to eat whipped cream from mid-size area on man

On Satire Bits: Vol. 121

A mid-week greeting to all!

How’s your week going so far? Mine has been low-key, and believe it or not, no dancing yet.

Yesterday’s post about education was well received. Perspectives from UK, Finland, Canada, South Africa, Spain, New Zealand, India, Argentina, and USA .. and all about statements made many years ago. I should have another collection ready for next week.

The next post is Life: The Musical – Act 16 featuring songs with dead, die, dies, died, or death in the title. Get your songs ready because curtain time is Wednesday at 9:30 PM (Eastern US).

Below the image are your mid-week bits of satire from The Onion. For that extra challenge, jump into the fray by developing your very own original headline from the words below. So hey … my combo is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week.

Grandfather seems proud of how many people polio killed

Life-changing epiphany wears off on ride home

Wrong turn finds man on poor side of mall

New employee has never known decadent pleasures of old office

Man tinkering with anecdote set list before next date

Married couple frustrated after months of unsuccessfully trying to sell baby

Report: America still world leader in manufacturing excuses

Completely uninhibited party guest still choosing to talk about work

Young child still developing antibodies to Mountain Dew

More Americans putting off marriage until ultimatum

China vows to begin aggressively falsifying air pollution numbers

New History Channel program explores what would have happened if History Channel never existed

My Combo: Uninhibited married couple proud of pleasures in old office

On Satire Bits: Vol. 118

Hello mid-week! How’s your week going?

I had a post ready, but then thought about how busy many are at this time, so I decided to go into slow-down mode. No post tomorrow, but Opinion in the Shorts will end the week. Next week, I’ll have several posts, then after Christmas, I hope to have an Explore series together – that is, light posts on a single topic to enjoy and learning.

The videos are two acts that didn’t get a chance to perform at the holiday party, so at least they get a chance to help with your mid-week boost. Did you watch/listen to either?

Because the rat-race that this time of year brings to many, I didn’t even do a combo … but hey – at least your mid-week dose of satire from The Onion is below. For the joys of the female readers, the headlines feature men … so come on ladies, which one tickled your funny bone?

Have a good rest of the week.

Phone call with Dad just watered-down version of phone call with Mom

Man somehow thinks he doesn’t have enough alone time

Man’s family raises to record-high fourth priority

Area man locked in protracted battle with sweatshirt neckhole

Man sort of curious what his last straw will be

Man scolded by brother-in-law for not taking better advantage of open bar

Man wants just one trip to laundromat where he doesn’t meet perfect woman

Man going to trust society’s determination that he deserves his privilege

Man trying to enter conversation spends several minutes smiling and nodding at the edge of circle

Man announces pan to take out anger on first less-powerful person he sees

On Satire Bits: Vol. 114

How’s your week going?

YIKES … winter’s first strike is approaching Cincinnati. Cold temps are one thing, but forecasts are saying 10-14 days of the stuff. Hey … it’s early November!

Tuesday was a work holiday for my wife, so we took advantage of the movie theater’s all-day-Tuesday $5.50 price. Because Mathew McConaughey is on her “exception list” and she enjoys science fiction, we chose Interstellar. It’s definitely science fiction and well done … plus an interesting collection of stars .. It’s a bit to out-there for my taste … but it held my attention.

The next post is the next act of Life: The Musical. The keyword is Love, but keep it to love, thus not other forms of the word. The act starts Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern US). BTW – don’t forget to write the song’s title and artist in your comment because this helps others see the songs already used.

Time for your mid-week dose of satire from The Onion. Any favorites? Don’t forget the extra challenge of making an original headline by using the words in the headlines below. My Combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week!

Amusement park plans new 9600 mile (15,450 km) endurance coaster

US Forest Service kills off Smokey the Bear to get people serious about fire safety

Night out thrown off-balance by friend unexpectedly bringing someone

Symphony orchestra simply cannot wait for collaboration with John Mellencamp

Man wearing low-cut swimsuit as through public pool a sun-kissed Sardinian cove

Washed-up toddler can’t point things out like he used to

Weak-willed termite eats whole log in one sitting … (my favorite)

Report: Average American loses $5000 each year from splitting check

Educational puppet pelted with crayons

Procrastinating Congressional candidate will eventually release rivals drug-arrest record

My Combo: Weak-willed, washed-up Congressional candidate wearing Smokey the Bear swimsuit in symphony orchestra unexpectedly pelted John Mellencamp

On Satire Bits: Vol. 111

HEY HEY HEY … WEDNESDAY IS ALL-CAPS DAY … BUT I’M NOT YELLING … JUST CELEBRATING!!!

AUTUMN HAS UNQUESTIONABLY ARRIVED IN CINCINNATI, AND MANY OF THE LEAVES ARE BEAUTIFUL … I ESPECIALLY LOVE THE REDS. NONETHELESS, REGARDLESS OF LEAVE COLOR PREFERENCE, MY LONG-TIME READERS WILL BE GLAD TO KNOW THAT REMOVING FALLEN LEAVES IS NOT ON MY AGENDA, AND I DON’T MISS IT!!!!

EVEN THOUGH I’M NOT YELLING, I WANT TO KEEP THIS HARD-TO-READ STUFF AT A MINIMUM.

LET’S MOVE ON TO YOUR MIDWEEK DOSE OF SATIRE. BELOW THE IMAGE ARE THE HEADLINES FROM THE ONION (AND IN NORMAL PRINT). DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE? DON’T FORGET ABOUT THE EXTRA CHALLENGE OF CREATING YOUR OWN HEADLINE BY USING ANY OF THE WORDS BELOW. MY “COMBO” IS AT THE END. HAVE A GOOD REST OF THE WEEK!

Fire flies almost salvage man’s lousy day

Mom $15,000 in the hole with ceramic frog dealer

Study: Average American has over 9 million imagined sexual partners in lifetime

Patient zero kicking back in 38-c with episode of New Girl

Pitiful man struggles to find reason not to watch rebroadcast of 2006 football game

Man under impression he went down fighting

Man wearing M&M jacket made in God’s image

Report: Stagnant economy forcing more Americans to take jobs as infrastructure

Study: 73% of bedroom closets have wife’s boy-toy crouched naked inside

New Nike running app tell you what you are running from

My Combo: Man wearing wife’s jacket running from naked new girl struggles fighting frog as sexual partner

On Satire Bits: Vol. 110

How’s your week gone so far?

With today being a dreary day in Cincinnati, I decided to start my quest of dedicating as much of one day as possible to writing. So, hey … I now have some posts already in the queue!

No golf league in my schedule means I get an extra evening at home. But, that also means I will prepare dinner. My wife had to leave quickly this evening, so I kept it simple – spaghetti with a personally made meat sauce with Italian sausage, onions, fennel seed, basil, red wine, and tomatoes – and then top the plate with crumbled feta cheese.

A reminder that the next act of Life: The Musical goes live Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern US). Because we know life is more than work, Play (as in having fun) is the theme, so get your songs reading with any of the following in the title: Play, Playing, Fun, or a fun activity (such as swimming). The producer is worried about this one, so good luck.

It’s time for that mid-week boost of satire to give you a burst toward the weekend. You also have a chance to create your own, original satirical headline by using the words in the headlines below the image. Have a good rest of the week.

Going-out-of-business sign thanks neighborhood for 3 months of no support whatsoever

More couples using wedding drones to film nuptials

Entirety of man’s personal data protected by reference to third season of West Wing

Homosexuality only thing parent can accept about son

Employer totally botches job interview

New law requires welfare recipients to submit sweat to prove how they are looking for a job

Wife already knows the one thing she’ll say that can never be taken back

Drug company releases new drug to treat people who feel sort of weird sometimes

New Kindle helps readers show off by shouting title of book loudly and repeatedly

Groundbreaking young adult novel features protagonist who’s a bit of a loner

My Combo: Loner wife helps drug company treat wedding couples with no drugs