On Satire Bits: Vol. 111

HEY HEY HEY … WEDNESDAY IS ALL-CAPS DAY … BUT I’M NOT YELLING … JUST CELEBRATING!!!

AUTUMN HAS UNQUESTIONABLY ARRIVED IN CINCINNATI, AND MANY OF THE LEAVES ARE BEAUTIFUL … I ESPECIALLY LOVE THE REDS. NONETHELESS, REGARDLESS OF LEAVE COLOR PREFERENCE, MY LONG-TIME READERS WILL BE GLAD TO KNOW THAT REMOVING FALLEN LEAVES IS NOT ON MY AGENDA, AND I DON’T MISS IT!!!!

EVEN THOUGH I’M NOT YELLING, I WANT TO KEEP THIS HARD-TO-READ STUFF AT A MINIMUM.

LET’S MOVE ON TO YOUR MIDWEEK DOSE OF SATIRE. BELOW THE IMAGE ARE THE HEADLINES FROM THE ONION (AND IN NORMAL PRINT). DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE? DON’T FORGET ABOUT THE EXTRA CHALLENGE OF CREATING YOUR OWN HEADLINE BY USING ANY OF THE WORDS BELOW. MY “COMBO” IS AT THE END. HAVE A GOOD REST OF THE WEEK!

Fire flies almost salvage man’s lousy day

Mom $15,000 in the hole with ceramic frog dealer

Study: Average American has over 9 million imagined sexual partners in lifetime

Patient zero kicking back in 38-c with episode of New Girl

Pitiful man struggles to find reason not to watch rebroadcast of 2006 football game

Man under impression he went down fighting

Man wearing M&M jacket made in God’s image

Report: Stagnant economy forcing more Americans to take jobs as infrastructure

Study: 73% of bedroom closets have wife’s boy-toy crouched naked inside

New Nike running app tell you what you are running from

My Combo: Man wearing wife’s jacket running from naked new girl struggles fighting frog as sexual partner