On Satire Bits: Vol. 102

How’s your week going? I’ve been dealing with a set of run-around tasks, but I made progress.

We were supposed to get a good dose of rain today, but who knows what happened. On the plus side, golf league went on as scheduled. It was a fun night scramble in between the end of the first half and the start of the second. We finished second, which was good considering we beat teams with more talent.

It seems I got the notifications issue corrected by clearing a box that mysteriously got checked.

Courtesy of The Onion’s archives, last week’s satire featured headlines about parenting. During my wandering through the depths of the archives, I found other interesting collections around the same theme. The first one is the graphic below, but for more, see the linking below the graphic. Do any of these readings capture your attention?

OnionParentingBook

Image from The Onion

 

Bonuses from The Onion – Any favorites in these lists?

Have a good rest of the week!

On Satire Bits: Vol. 83

Wow … was it ever cold here. And to add dollop of insult, Anchorage (Alaska) was in the 40s! I stayed in as much as possible, but when I went outside, the raw cold was quite noticeable! Fortunately, it wasn’t overly windy.

The winter blast engaging the southeastern US reminds my wife and I of weather we encountered about three years ago along the Florida-Alabama coast. While the north wind was strong and cold, snow was falling several miles inland … and 50 miles inland received 7 inches of snow! Believe me, all they do (understandably) is treat the roads with sand.

Your midweek dose of satire from The Onion is below. Which is your favorite? For those wanting that extra challenge, make your own headline by using only the words in the headlines below. My combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week!

Tears get into pizza bagel

Piano keys not involved in The Entertainer noticeably distressed

Seventh grade biology class grossed out having to dissect horse

Area woman almost images taste of peppermint mocha on tongue but stops herself

Boss came to work today dressed as guy who fires Sean

High school football player gives girl friend his mouth guard to wear to class

Lovers lost in fog

Gatorade releases new performance suppository

Mom’s head rotates demonically after passing sign for antique wicker furniture

Newly naturalized citizen taken around USA for orientation

My Combo: Distressed boss in tears after tasting suppository

On Satire Bits: Vol. 80

The cold blast is in the process of celebrating Elvis’s birthday by leaving the building. Well, that’s for me, but the US east coast is still feeling the blast.

How your week going so far? Mine has been a bit hectic, thus why you haven’t been making my rounds as much this week.

A reminder to all that the next post is Time: The Musical (Act 12). With Seasons as the theme, song title must include season(s), fall/autumn, winter, spring, or summer in the title – but not in the form of a compound word as summertime. Something else to mull over, be careful of using fall in a context that isn’t a season. Curtain time is Wednesday, 9:30 PM (Eastern USA).

It’s time for the first mid-week dose of satire of 2014! It’s also the first opportunity to accept the creative challenge by forming your very own original satirical headline. But, here’s the twist to the challenge – You can only use the words in the headlines below. My original combo is at the end of the live.

Have a good rest of the week!

Terrified Obama inside healthcare.gov

Woman builds ironclad case proving Mila Kunis look bad without makeup

Billboard alerts drivers to existence of situation comedy starring stand-up comedian Jerry Seinfeld

Apple unveils panicked man with no ideas

New poll finds Americans view death of close relatives more favorably than Congress

Department of Agriculture locates perfect goat

Hostage freed after tense 7-minute standup set

Intricacies of meal plan discussed

Boardroom table a complex web of feet massaging genitals

Dad actually yelled at that guy

David Bowie asks Iman if they should just do lasagna again

Nobody knows what third light switch does

My Combo: Hostage terrified of panicked goat massaging genitals for 7 minutes

Opinions in the Shorts: Vol. 200

New Header
The time is right for a header change, so I return to deep space. This is from NASA’s Chandra X-Ray Observatory photo gallery, which actually is a computer-stimulated image of a star’s gases falling into a black hole. My header collection is on the Past Headers page (or click here).

I also changed my theme from MistyLook to the update version called Misty Lake, so I imagine adjustments will be necessary. If I don’t like it, I’ll be either switching back to Misty Lake or go for a new look.

On Politics
I didn’t know about this death benefit for families of members of Congress.

Put Congressional Democrats and Republicans in a room to discuss the budget is easy. Getting them to make policy decisions about the budget may not be difficult – but they would have to ignore the big obstacle also in the room – Politics – because policy and politics are not the same, but quite different.

Cheers to ongoing Senator Olympia Snow (R-ME) for this comment: If we (voters) allow our political system to be subjugated to the fringe factions or to ideological interests or the podium-thumping belligerents that we’re witnessing today, then that’s the government we’re going to get.

There is an interesting battle in my state (Ohio) regarding Medicare Expansion between our Republican governor and the Republican legislature.

Republicans using the debacle at healthcare.gov to criticize the Affordable Care Act makes as much sense as Democrats making excuses for healthcare.gov. Meanwhile, a Congressional hearing on the matter is nothing more than political theater.

Given the previous statement, this one from The Onion will lead you into The Onion’s headlines for the week: New and improved Obamacare program released on 35 floppy disks

On This Week’s Headlines from The Onion

  • Child sees no reason why Iron Man costume can’t be worn at grandfather’s funeral
  • Proposed immigration law calls for US to shut down border slide
  • Weird man begins every morning by dousing his naked body in water
  • Republicans announce plan to go after Obamacare
  • Mom breaks into son’s apartment to administer latest flu vaccine
  • Johnson & Johnson announces new Leave-In Q-Tip

Interesting Reads
See the video and the article about the person behind Humans of New York
Interesting editorial about fixing Social Security
Eight unlikely animal friendships
How black holes work (timely with my new header)
A book review about Ben Franklin’s science
Enjoy these bioluminescence images
See Jim’s good explanation of timing a launch to Mars

On Potpourri
Think about this one. What if you were from Sudan then came to the US to play basketball and get an education. Six years later, your passport is no longer good because you are from South Sudan, which now has independence. Then recently, you learn that your father died. Here’s the story.

A writer at DeadSpin ranked 51 regional dishes (50 states and DC) and ranked my beloved Cincinnati Chili #52 – behind being hit by a car.

Time: The Musical returns next week featuring short time (a minute or less). I announce the planned date on the next Monday Morning Entertainment, (probably Tuesday). Thinking outside the box is important for this act, but dealing with a tyrant producer is a challenge in itself.

Texting + driving = matches + gasoline … thus begs the question WHY? Here’s an interesting post IAMM3Z about the pair.

Here are your reasons to celebrate this weekend

  • (Friday) International Artist Day, Sourest Day, World Pasta Day, Bandana Day, Breadsticks Day, Greasy Food Day, Punk-for-a-Day Day
  • (Saturday) Make a Difference Day, Mule Day, Forgiveness Day, and Mincemeat Pie Day
  • (Sunday) Cranky Co-workers Day, Mother-in-Law Day, Reformation Sunday, Visit a Cemetery Day, Potato Day

The next Saturday Morning Cartoon post will feature a well-known character – and the post is ready!

This is the perfect occasion to thank ABtwixt for this comment: I’d never willingly deprive myself of your OITS, it’s better than the Sunday paper!

To send you into the weekend in honor of Time: The Musical, here’s one that does not qualify for the next act, but could have been in Act 1: the ‘70s hit from The Babys: Isn’t It Time. Have a safe weekend and in the words of Garrison Keillor, Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

On Satire Bits: Vol 68

Hooray! The humid air has left Cincinnati and we will have outstanding weather for a few days. Woo hoo!!!!

Wednesday is National Navajo Code-Talkers Day. For those that don’t know it’s a fascinating story, so click here for more information.

Yesterday’s post was a bit heavy, but a special thanks for my international readers for your patience. However, for your mid-week dose of satire, I searched The Onion’s vault for headlines about dinosaurs and related prehistoric humor. Any favorites?

Do you recall the Dinosaurs TV show by Muppet creator Jim Henson? As an extra bonus, I’ve added a short clip after the headlines. Enjoy!

Have a good rest of the week!

Fossilized evidence reveals Spazosourus was largest doofus to ever roam Earth

Five-year-old convinced dinosaur bones are buried in backyard

Report: Shopoholism may have killed the Shoposaurus

New triple-X dinosaur park opens in Nevada

Dinosaurs sadly extinct before the invention of bazooka

New evidence suggests dinosaurs died in Cretaceous Period hospice

Exxon paleontologists call for increase US fossil production

T-Rex ancestor was human-sized

Newly discovered fossils reveal prehistoric humans were bony

Archeologists discover world’s first guy named Marty

Early humans drank enough to invent dancing

Anthropologists trace human origins to one large goat

Trilobite reports evolution going great

Creationist museum acquires 5,000-year-old T-Rex skeleton … (Oops – that really happened)