On Satire Bits: Vol. 128

Hope you enjoyed that creative remix of the fabulous commercial.

How has your week gone so far? Hopefully OK.

We attended the annual Home Owners Association (HOA) meeting last night. Oh boy – just confirmation that some don’t understand what it means to live in a condo and that some simply should not.

Golf league season has arrived and delivered a dilemma to me. At the end of last season, the course notified all leagues that it would be closing in a few months. My league (as well as my wife’s) found another course. Because my league involved changing days, I decided not to return. I found a new league, but then (and without notice) I discovered that league is no more. In other words, I’m currently a golfer without a league. Interestingly, the original course remains open – causing me to wonder – why did they runoff guaranteed income? Very strange and unprofessional.

Meals: The Musical takes to the stage in the next post. Act 2 features Fruit – so song titles must include fruit(s) or any nutritional fruit in the title. Keep in mind that tomato(es) are not acceptable. Using a similar rationale, nut(s) or any type of nut, are not acceptable. Advice – Don’t make it harder than it is because there are many songs available. Curtain time is Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern US).

The pigs below are multi-tasking as they are not only getting their tune for Meals: The Musical, they are also preparing their Combo Challenge. For the newbies, the satirical headlines below are from The Onion, and the Combo Challenge involves forming your own original headline from the headlines below. My Combo is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week.

Report: More Americans setting aside money in case of PR emergency

Empty “About Us” page leaves Chinese buffet’s origins shrouded in mystery

Allowance to teach children importance of parental dependence

Disheartened man expected at least one text while checking phone after flight

Hippocratic Oath updated to include vow of loyalty to insurance company

Increasingly worried man hasn’t yet come across any guacamole in burrito

Teen sick of mother barging into room with clean, folded clothes

Lettuce sentence to slow painful death in vegetable crisper drawer

Cat who spends life on one of two couch cushions given rabies vaccine

Scientists speculate extraterrestrials may have completely different hair than humans

Humble eccentric decline in-flight beverage service

My Combo: Humble, disheartened eccentric mother worried about importance of loyalty to guacamole on Chinese lettuce leaves

On April 2015

Note: Opening Night for Meals: The Musical is Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern US) with songs with any of the following in the title: Meal(s), Breakfast, Lunch, Lunchtime, Brunch, Dinner, Dinnertime, Supper, Snack, Snacktime, or Food(s).

April, spring in the Northern hemisphere, but autumn in the Southern hemisphere, therefore

April and October are seasonal equivalents.

April, the second rainiest month of the year (after July)

April, starting the same day of the week as July in all years, and January in leap years

April, ending on the same day of the week as December every year

April, called Aprilis by the Romans

April, fittingly for the blooming action of the season, its traditional etymology from the verb aperireto open

April, the second of the earliest Roman calendar

April, sacred to Venus, the Roman goddess

April, the fourth month of the current calendar year, but it originally had 29 days as Julius Caesar added its 30th day

April, called Oster-monath or Eostur-monath by the Anglo-Saxons

April, huhtikuu in Finnish, which refers to burning the vegetation to clear farmland

April, mail traven in Slovene, meaning when plants start growing

April Symbols

  • Zodiac Signs: Aries (The Ram) Apr. 19, then Taurus (The Bull) Apr. 20 – May 20
  • Birthstone: Diamond, White Sapphire / Meaning: Innocence
  • Birth Flower: The Daisy or the Sweet Pea symbolizes curiosity, playfulness and tenaciousness

April, whose moon is called Slash-and-Burn Moon, Egg Moon, Grass Moon, Hare Moon

April, with a Full Moon on April 4th 12:05 UTC, and a New Moon on April 18th 18:56 UTC

April in movie titles include April in Paris (1953), The April Fools (1969), April Fool’s Day (1986, 2008), April Morning (1987), Enchanted April (1992), Pieces of April (2003), Sometimes in April (2005), April Love, April Showers (2011), April Snow (2012), April Morning (2012)

Songs titles (other than the videos) include Sometimes It Snows in April (Prince), April (Deep Purple), A Rose in April (Ann Gray-Raven-Seanachie), April Is In My Mistress’ Face (John Rutter), April Rain (Al Jolson), I’ll Remember April (Charlie Parker), January April and Me (Roy Clark), Little April Shower (Disney, from Bambi), Pieces Of April (Three Dog Night), and The April Fools (Dionne Warwick)

April, the first name of many pornstars – but not everyone named April is a pornstar

April, the time of a series of 1834 insurrections in France against the government of Louis Philippe that led to violent oppression – thus the name, The Days of April

April, a series of Mackey Chandler books

April promotes adopting a greyhound, ASPCA, astronomy, car care, Confederate history, defeating diabetes, fair housing, financial literacy, child nutrition, home improvement, informed women, Twit Awards, African-American women’s fitness, decorating, pest management, safe digging, physical wellness, preventing Lyme Disease in dogs, women’s eye health & safety, community service, and tackling your clutter

April aims to increase awareness in alcohol, autism, cancer control, bereaved spouses, Cesareans, distracted driving, emotional overreacting, genocide & human rights, habitats, Irritable Bowels Syndrome, DNA-Genomics-Stem Cell Education, facial protection, heartworms, multiple births, health of minorities, Parkinson’s, sarcoidosis, STDs, youth sports safety, pet first aid, Rosacea, testicular cancer, workplace conflict, anxiety, and stress

April celebrates amateur radio, diversity, couple appreciation, fresh Florida tomatoes, frogs, Grange, holy humor, guitars, gardens, knuckles down, occupational therapy, pets, poetry, rebuilding, school library media, soy foods, zoos & aquariums, welding, and Thai heritage

April embraces Atlanta food & wine, Arab-American heritage, child abuse prevention, community spirit, customer loyalty, jazz appreciation, libraries, young children, military children, card & letter writing, grilled cheese sandwiches, humor, kites, landscape architecture, pecans, straw hats, woodworking, math education, recycling, smiles, and pets are wonderful

Do you have any special occasions in April? Which songs did you enjoy?

On Satire Bits: Vol. 124

It’s been cold this week in Cincinnati – but at least I’m thankful that we haven’t received the snow continues to dump on the northeastern US. In the past 17 days, Boston has received 70+ inches (177+ cm)? That’s crazy! … and more is anticipated Friday and Sunday.

Life: The Musical official concludes on the next post. The epilogue focuses on life as whole, so submit songs that are about life, and hopefully special to you in some way … and I hope you will briefly share the why behind you choice. In other words, this is a chance to post a song about life that is important to you. Curtain time is Wednesday, 9:30 PM (Eastern US).

For your mid-week satire to propel you toward the weekend, I ventures into the depths of The Onion’s archival vault. Given yesterday’s post about education, I cleared the dust on many good ones. Any favorites? There’s also the Combo Challenge of making your own original headline from the words in the headlines below. For those wanting the extra challenge, try making a headline that’s not about education. My Combo is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week.

Teacher hopes students can tell that he was once popular

Substitute teacher totally freaks

Gym teacher secretly hates nerds

Frustrated inner-city students running out of ideas to motivate teachers

Male substitute teacher cloaked in mystery

Nation’s substitute teachers what to know who threw that

Inspirational teacher cancelled out by every other teacher at school

Teacher’s sense of humor comes through in multiple-choice test

Gym teacher ensures students that bouncing wiffle balls on a parachute is a sport

Risk champ flunks geography test

French teacher informs student to tell her about the bathroom fire in French

Creative writing teacher announces plan to sit on edge of desk

Teacher sees potential in student with glasses

My Combo: Nerds motivate creative freaks to throw at balls of frustrated male

On Satire Bits: Vol. 120

Happy Midweek from chilly Cincinnati. Brrrr … but at least it’s not as cold as it was … and warmer weather is on the way. To those to my north, I know it’s colder for you, and we northerners envy the southerners and those in the southern hemisphere.

I just saw the movie Selma. I hope to post about it soon, but the bottom line is that I recommend the movie.

Some of you may recall that our dance studio closed. Fortunately for us, another studio picked up our lessons with no strings attached. Because we had already paid for them, that’s huge. At the new venue, so far, so good. My wife was out tonight, so I went to a group class for basic steps of bachata. It’s not me, but that it was fun to try. For the curious, here’s a video of steps with the basics. Then again, this couple is smokin’ with more advanced steps.

On to your midweek collection of satire from The Onion. Which of these give you the biggest chuckle? For those desiring a challenge, make your own original satirical headline by using only the words in the headlines below the image. My Combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

Area man self-conscious about the wrong things

Man too exhausted to repress both anger and sadness

After careful thought, teen applies to college where family donating building

Man’s whole job undoing handiwork of self-checkout machine

New census study finds that 40% of US population is filler

Restaurant patrons rapidly losing faith parents going to do something about 4-year old

Delicate little man kept awake all night by having coffee after 4 pm

Job applicant blows away interviewer with intimate knowledge of company’s About Us page

Report: 79% of world’s attics remain unexplored

Man’s heart stopped as speaker asks audience to turn to person next to them

Four angels banished from heaven for attempting to unionize

Crowd outside of White House hoping to catch glimpse of President naked

My Combo: Restaurant banishes patrons for intimate antics with coffee machine

On Satire Bits: Vol. 119

Cheers to 2015’s first Wednesday!

How is your week so far? Cincinnati has received a blast of winter, but it’s affecting many in the US. Nonetheless, it’s nothing like last winter!

Time for a test … Do you remember the key words for the week?

Life: The Musical is the next post with Act 15 featuring songs with old, older, oldest, elderly, or aging in the title. Act 15 starts Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern US). Two Cautions: 1) “Getting Old” is the theme, so titles as 12 Year Old Boy would be deemed unacceptable because the boy isn’t old. 2) My Old Kentucky Home is unacceptable because I hate the University of Kentucky.

On to your mid-week dose of satire from The Onion. Which is your favorite? Plus, it’s time for the 2015’s first attempt at the Combination Challenge. For any newbies, from the words (and only those words) in The Onion headlines below the image, create your own, very original headline. My combo is at the end.

Has anyone ridden in a car like these two people? Have a good rest of the week.

Poll: 80% of Americans would get in vehicle with stranger for chance at new life

Genetics emphatically deny playing any part in area man’s body

Researchers: Quality of sleep may be affected by abandoning family in 1994

Coworkers putting in Herculean effort to sustain conversation for entire commute

Pastor always knew agnostic would come crawling back to church for wedding

Man has only self to blame for what’s in targeted banner

Moronic mailroom worker worked way down from CEO

Hero of the Common Man talks to plumber for entire time while in house

Area mom raving about Phoenix airport

Responsible man sets aside small portion of every paycheck for bank to gamble

Man realizes he’s the only one of college friends falling out of touch

My Combo: Agnostic pastor raving about responsible man abandoning family for moronic hero

On Satire Bits: Vol. 118

Hello mid-week! How’s your week going?

I had a post ready, but then thought about how busy many are at this time, so I decided to go into slow-down mode. No post tomorrow, but Opinion in the Shorts will end the week. Next week, I’ll have several posts, then after Christmas, I hope to have an Explore series together – that is, light posts on a single topic to enjoy and learning.

The videos are two acts that didn’t get a chance to perform at the holiday party, so at least they get a chance to help with your mid-week boost. Did you watch/listen to either?

Because the rat-race that this time of year brings to many, I didn’t even do a combo … but hey – at least your mid-week dose of satire from The Onion is below. For the joys of the female readers, the headlines feature men … so come on ladies, which one tickled your funny bone?

Have a good rest of the week.

Phone call with Dad just watered-down version of phone call with Mom

Man somehow thinks he doesn’t have enough alone time

Man’s family raises to record-high fourth priority

Area man locked in protracted battle with sweatshirt neckhole

Man sort of curious what his last straw will be

Man scolded by brother-in-law for not taking better advantage of open bar

Man wants just one trip to laundromat where he doesn’t meet perfect woman

Man going to trust society’s determination that he deserves his privilege

Man trying to enter conversation spends several minutes smiling and nodding at the edge of circle

Man announces pan to take out anger on first less-powerful person he sees

On Satire Bits: Vol. 117

It’s midweek and I feel behind for some reason. Oh well, tis the season.

How’s your week so far? Low key for me, but I return to the surgeon tomorrow, so hopefully he removes the stitches (Ouch!) and clears me for normal activity, including dance.

The next post is Act 14 of Life: The Musical with the wide-ranging theme of negative emotions in the song title. Many choices for participants, and I’m very happy with the opening act. The opening act appears at 9:30 pm (Eastern US).

Saturday is the 2014 aFa Holiday Party. Attendees of my past parties know it will go the entire weekend! My friends in Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia, New Zealand, and the night owls in the New World will be the first to arrive because the festivities start at 3:00 am (Eastern US). Feel free to bring your friends as the gift bags are ready!

Does anyone remember the keyword established when we started the week?

On to your energy boost from the satirists at The Onion. Any favorites? Don’t forget the extra challenge of making your own original headline by using the words in the headlines below. My “combo” is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week!

Geneticists debate ethics of cloning humans and forcing them to fight to death in pit for amusement

Marvel reimagines Green Goblin as left-handed

Can anyone challenge Koala for baby-changing station dominance?

Community loses interest 3 days after rallying to save local theater

Person standing far away from burial must have deep, dark secret about deceased

Study: Majority of Americans unprepared for sucker punch to gut

Report: 43% of party invitations unprovoked

Juror way to far into trial to ask about how contusions are now

Workaholic dad misses only one of two accomplishments in unimpressive child’s life

Parents with more vacation time, financial resources want to know when son will come home to visit

My Combo: Unprovoked parents sucker punch unprepared geneticists for deep dark secret about left-handed son forcing workaholic Koala into death pit