Opinions in the Shorts: Vol. 273

I’ve taken my share of bits out of Republicans – but I’m an Equal Opportunity Blamer. For the record, I would have voted for Hillary Clinton over John McCain in 2008. I did not vote for Barack Obama in 2008, but did in 2012.

I’m not sure if Hillary Clinton’s (D-NY) campaign is in trouble enough to cause her to withdraw her candidacy, but it is an intriguing thought.

Why any government worker is allowed to do email work on a personal account is beyond me – let alone a cabinet member – let alone use a personal server – and I don’t care how many others have done it because that should have been a no-no then.

Washington Post columnist Eugene Robinson commonly leans to the left – thus is the main reason why I appreciate his recent column about Hillary Clinton.

I linked to this video last week, but I’m not sure how many saw it or understood my point. Mr. Haney was one of my favorite characters on Green Acres, but how much does his voice sound like Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX)?

In my mind, there is no question that Donald Trump (R-NY) is effectively using the media to drive his campaign. With so much air time, he doesn’t need commercials .. at least not at this point.

For the interested, here’s an article featuring Bloviations from The Bloviator.

Whew … the previous post about predestination created quite the range of thoughts.

Opening Night – Dance: The Musical – Tuesday, August 25th at 9:30 pm! For Act 1, all songs must included Dance in the title – but not dancer, not dancing, not dancin’, or any other form of the word dance … just Dance. The Hear Ye page include information about future acts.

Over the past two weeks, I haven’t done well visiting other blogs. Yes, I have an Explore post ready for the weekend, but posting it will cause me to fall further behind – so no Explore post this weekend. Besides, I have a musical to prepare!

To lead you into The Onion, here’s their explanation why westerners join ISIS.

Weekly Headlines from The Onion (combos welcome)
Underworld Health Organization Launches Initiative To Improve Incubus Immortality Rate
Scientists Develop Highly Volatile New Relationship
Police Busted Giraffe-Fighting Ring
Standards Lowered For Second Search Through Fridge
Mom’s Fears About Daughter Leaving For College Channeled Into Fight About Storage Bins

Interesting Reads
A view of what the talk-show right is doing to the Republican party
Looking back at closing the US embassy in Cuba
3-D printed drugs
Biased on bias?
Burma’s Stilwell Road – 70 years later
Interactive on global income

To send you into the weekend, here’s a rock classic from way-back in the day – but with a dose of Monday Morning Entertainment (remember those?). Special thanks to Elyse for this gem. Have a safe weekend and in the words of Garrison Keillor, Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

On Satire Bits: Vol. 120

Happy Midweek from chilly Cincinnati. Brrrr … but at least it’s not as cold as it was … and warmer weather is on the way. To those to my north, I know it’s colder for you, and we northerners envy the southerners and those in the southern hemisphere.

I just saw the movie Selma. I hope to post about it soon, but the bottom line is that I recommend the movie.

Some of you may recall that our dance studio closed. Fortunately for us, another studio picked up our lessons with no strings attached. Because we had already paid for them, that’s huge. At the new venue, so far, so good. My wife was out tonight, so I went to a group class for basic steps of bachata. It’s not me, but that it was fun to try. For the curious, here’s a video of steps with the basics. Then again, this couple is smokin’ with more advanced steps.

On to your midweek collection of satire from The Onion. Which of these give you the biggest chuckle? For those desiring a challenge, make your own original satirical headline by using only the words in the headlines below the image. My Combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

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Area man self-conscious about the wrong things

Man too exhausted to repress both anger and sadness

After careful thought, teen applies to college where family donating building

Man’s whole job undoing handiwork of self-checkout machine

New census study finds that 40% of US population is filler

Restaurant patrons rapidly losing faith parents going to do something about 4-year old

Delicate little man kept awake all night by having coffee after 4 pm

Job applicant blows away interviewer with intimate knowledge of company’s About Us page

Report: 79% of world’s attics remain unexplored

Man’s heart stopped as speaker asks audience to turn to person next to them

Four angels banished from heaven for attempting to unionize

Crowd outside of White House hoping to catch glimpse of President naked

My Combo: Restaurant banishes patrons for intimate antics with coffee machine

On Satire Bits: Vol. 100

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Welcome to the 100th edition of Satire Bits. Nothing special, just the same old drivel.

Hope your week has gone well so far.

  • My eye vision is the same, and I’m waiting for the call to schedule my next test (and I don’t understand the delay)
  • Even with the eye problem, my golf game has been good.
  • Life: The Musical – Act 6 is the next post featuring songs with teen(s), teenager(s), teenage, or a specific teen year in the song title – Curtain time is Wednesday, 9:30 pm (US Eastern)

For your mid-week dose of satire, I dived into the depths of The Onion archives looking for treasures regarding the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) – a federal agency is responsible for “protecting  the public health” regarding food products, cosmetics, and medical drugs, vaccines, and medical devices. I’ve even included some with a caption below the appropriate image (all from The Onion). Any favorites? Do you have an ideas on topics for future Satire Bits? Have a good rest of the week.

FDA prepares nation for switch to digital food format

FDA approves prescription placebo

FDA reports half of Americans believe in medical conspiracy theories

FDA reports half of Americans believe in medical conspiracy theories

 

FDA and Dr. OZ clash over apple juice

FDA: Lucky Charms no longer a complete breakfast

FDA deems new drug as safe as anything can be in this crazy world

FDA official states, “Just eat the damn vegetable”

FDA official states, “Just eat the damn vegetable”

 

FDA deems human clones safe for consumption by other human clones

FDA order recall of all panther meat just to see if anyone eats panther

FDA cancels bacon recall after finding US population already at it all

FDA approves salmonella

FDA approves salmonella

 

FDA recalls all food except grapes

FDA okays every drug pending approval, takes rest of the year off

FDA call concrete breast implants “structurally sound”

FDA approves prescription placebo

FDA approves prescription placebo

 

FDA reports new sleeping pill causes dramatic weight gain and missing cats

FDA approves depressant drug for the annoyingly cheerful

FDA approves new drug for treatment of social anxiety

FDA approves new drug for treatment of social anxiety

 

 Except for the opening images, all images are from The Onion.

On Satire Bits: Vol. 90

Hey hey hey … It’s Hump Day time! How has your week gone so far?

We went from a very warm and slightly humid Sunday to a cold Tuesday that delivered a chilling wind, low temperatures, and even some snow.

A reminder that the next post is Life: The Musical – Act 2 – featuring songs with born, birth, baby, or babies in the title.  A reminder – no duplicates. Curtain time is Wednesday, 9:30 PM (US Eastern).

Any favorites below? To go along with your mid-week dose of satire from The Onion, I hope you accept the challenge of making your own satirical headline by using the words from the headlines below. My combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week!

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Inspired man bolts out of bed at 3 AM to jot down great next worry

Drunken man careens wildly across internet

Distant planet terrified it might be able to someday support life

Co-worker who already breathes, chews loudly thinking about getting into arrhythmically drumming on desk

New study finds only 88% of guitar customers become famous musicians

Lapsed cult member only attends sanctum on major blood-letting days

Manic researchers announce they are hours away from cure for depression

Middle-aged waiter sadly not involved in any creative endeavor

Father marvels at how quickly kids growing distant

Subway employee still unnerved by high-pitched screech sandwiches make when cut in half

My Combo: Middle-aged Subway employee inspired by drunken coworker thinking

On Satire Bits: Vol. 86

Unbelievably, a warm wave has bestowed itself upon Cincinnati. In order to accommodate the melting water, over the past two days I’ve chipped away at the ice blocking the water flow … and hooray … it’s moving! The rest of the week will also provide some rain … maybe even storms … so now I wonder when the flood waters will arrive. Although I’m high and dry, I grew up in a river town that flooded.

The phone has dominated my last two days with necessary conversations with movers, utilities, our accountant (it’s tax season), banks, deliveries, and others. When I’m on hold, I kill time by packing some items.

Enough of my week, how’s yours going?

For those needing a chuckle, here’s your mid-week collection of satire courtesy of The Onion. For the daring, rise to the occasion of using the information in these headlines to form a new headline. My combo is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week!

Man doesn’t need to have fun to drink

Local company now 95% interns

Buddhist extremist cell vows to unleash tranquility on West

Man doesn’t know how parents ever going to payoff massive student loan debt

Man upset with girlfriend changes profile picture back to truck

Parents finally cave in and buy 33-year-old son PlayStation 1

Lunch rebuilds friendship ruined at last lunch

Report: Fritz a fine name for a boy

Man confidently hits “Send” on worst job application company ever saw

Individuals unaware they constitute area man’s support network

Man unknowingly purchases lifetime supply of condoms

My Combo: Fritz the Buddhist vows tranquility with lifetime supply of condoms