On Satire Bits: Vol. 133

Greetings from San Diego … oops … I mean Cincinnati … but our current weather is fabulous! I spent the day on the golf course, but the weather and company was better than the golf. Oh well, that’s the way the game is.

Thanks for the positive reaction about the previous post about Martha. I enjoyed putting that one together, and the variety of emotions surprised me. As I mentioned to some in the comments, my intent was around a tribute – not sadness. Nonetheless, I’m glad to know that some were touched by the post.

Below the image are the headlines from The Onion for your mid-week bump in satire. Any favorites? Don’t forget the Combo Challenge by making your own headline from the words in the headlines below. My Combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

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Mother still searching for pre-school that focuses exclusively on her son

Email from Mom sent at 5:32 am

Man now too exhausted to repress both anger and sadness

Majority of Americans never use Physical Education after high school

Night of uninterrupted deep sleep really throws man’s day off

Breakthrough procedure allows parents to select sexiness of child

Trip to bar gives friends opportunity to sit around, do nothing in different place

Avoiding popular songs somehow accomplishment for local man

Study: Majority of frontal lobe occupied by thoughts of sausage links

Man on gurney has brief word with protagonist before entering ambulance

Apartment manager already knows to look out for tenant sending Minnie Mouse checks

Hollywood quietly shuts down after realizing entertainment a delicate matter of subjective opinion

My Combo: Man on gurney exhausted after searching for uninterrupted sausage links

On Satire Bits: Vol. 132

Hooray … the front has passed through, thus the backside will deliver several days of optimal weather. Simply fabulous … and this is great golf weather. Too bad I struggled in my last round.

Meals: The Musical is the next post. Act 4 features Meat, so song titles must include meat(s) or any meat commonly served. Caution against using animal(s) or any specific animal unless the specific animal appears on a typical menu. For instance, thumbs down to pig(s), but sausage, bacon, pork, and ham are acceptable. Seafood items are unacceptable. Curtain time is Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern US).

Now for your mid-week boost in satire to lead you toward the weekend. Not only cheers to The Onion for their wonderful headlines, but don’t forget the Combo Challenge where you construct an original headline with the words from The Onion headlines below the image. My Combo is at the end. Any favorites below?

Have a good rest of the week. Hope to see you at the theater for Act 4.

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Houseguest asks if host has blanket that’s never been washed he can use

Area woman can’t wait to get home and take-off uncomfortable persona

Study: Best method of finding job still excitedly circling newspaper listing with red marker

Barber’s paunch keeping touching customer

College encourages lively exchange of ideas

New poll finds 74% of Americans would be comfortable blaming female president for problems

Man always carries gun in case he need to escalate situation

Report: Majority of Earth’s potable water trapped in Coca Cola products

Man thinks going to Vegas for things other than gambling somehow less sad

Troubling report finds dreamingly sliding down back of door after kissing date on porch plummets 78%

My Combo: Area female finds gun in barber’s paunch

On Satire Bits: Vol. 131

Mid-week is here – which means Hump Day! Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike! What day is it?

Cincinnati weather is more like early summer than mid-spring, which is fine. After all, it’s all a matter of perspective and alternatives. I had my first night of subbing in a golf league close to my home. I played well, hopefully I will get many opportunities in the weeks ahead.

Thanks for the kind words and suggestions for my first venture into fiction (the prior post). I’m considering a challenge, thus wanting to know your thoughts about the following idea. All participants use the same story up to a point, then write their own ending within a certain word limit. What do you think?

On to the mid-week dose of satire from The Onion. For the extra challenge, create your own headline from the words in the headlines below the image. My Combo is at the end. Any favorites headlines? Have a good rest of the week.

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Junior-high-school Badminton unit inspires 948 shuttlecock jokes

Man under mistaken impression he is own harshest critic

Labor Secretary horrified to learn some Americans working jobs they do not truly enjoy

Company to experiment with valuing employees

Man’s ironclad grasp of issue can withstand two follow-up questions

Teen crafting marketing image in garage hoping to one day win Grammy

Mathematical skill downplayed to get out of splitting check

Café Adds Heartbreaking Little Lunch Menu

English teacher on first date in ages lets dangling metaphor slide

Content writer awkwardly shows parents around website where he works

My Combo: Dangling teen crafting two mathematical questions

On Satire Bits: Vol. 130

Some of us have experience work by an evil WP gnome. You know – a gnome from the dark side that makes changes in your settings without your knowledge. It’s happened to me before, and it just happened again. Simply put, I wasn’t receiving email notifications about new posts … and now I have a lot of work to do because of this damn gnome!

Enough of that – how’s your week going? It looks like I will have a regular sub opportunity in a golf league, so that’s some good news at this end.

The next post is Act 3 of Meals: The Musical. Side dishes (sides) is the theme, so there is a wide array of choices. Think vegetables, pastas, casserole, soups, grains, salads, and more … but stay away from fruits, meats, desserts, and beverages.

On to your midweek dose of satire from The Onion. Don’t forget the Combo Challenge that gives you a chance to create your own headline by using the words in the headlines below the image. Give it a try – and mine is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week, and hope to see you at the theater for Act 3.

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Man too deep into sentence to avoid saying word he can’t pronounce

Artist always carries around sketchbook in case he feels like making someone uncomfortable

Mother provides adult son with list of questions to ask doctor

Area man totally blows his chance to see Exodus: God & Kings in theaters

Doctor just uses same ultrasound picture for every baby

Man’s area code provides glimpse of past life

Law-abiding citizen keeps herself on track with weekly cheat sheet

Nation’s landmark piled into single location for easier monitoring

Man old enough to know how rest of life plays out

Man brings lunch from home to cut down on small joys

My Combo: Baby blows lunch on uncomfortable doctor

On Satire Bits: Vol. 128

Hope you enjoyed that creative remix of the fabulous commercial.

How has your week gone so far? Hopefully OK.

We attended the annual Home Owners Association (HOA) meeting last night. Oh boy – just confirmation that some don’t understand what it means to live in a condo and that some simply should not.

Golf league season has arrived and delivered a dilemma to me. At the end of last season, the course notified all leagues that it would be closing in a few months. My league (as well as my wife’s) found another course. Because my league involved changing days, I decided not to return. I found a new league, but then (and without notice) I discovered that league is no more. In other words, I’m currently a golfer without a league. Interestingly, the original course remains open – causing me to wonder – why did they runoff guaranteed income? Very strange and unprofessional.

Meals: The Musical takes to the stage in the next post. Act 2 features Fruit – so song titles must include fruit(s) or any nutritional fruit in the title. Keep in mind that tomato(es) are not acceptable. Using a similar rationale, nut(s) or any type of nut, are not acceptable. Advice – Don’t make it harder than it is because there are many songs available. Curtain time is Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern US).

The pigs below are multi-tasking as they are not only getting their tune for Meals: The Musical, they are also preparing their Combo Challenge. For the newbies, the satirical headlines below are from The Onion, and the Combo Challenge involves forming your own original headline from the headlines below. My Combo is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week.

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Report: More Americans setting aside money in case of PR emergency

Empty “About Us” page leaves Chinese buffet’s origins shrouded in mystery

Allowance to teach children importance of parental dependence

Disheartened man expected at least one text while checking phone after flight

Hippocratic Oath updated to include vow of loyalty to insurance company

Increasingly worried man hasn’t yet come across any guacamole in burrito

Teen sick of mother barging into room with clean, folded clothes

Lettuce sentence to slow painful death in vegetable crisper drawer

Cat who spends life on one of two couch cushions given rabies vaccine

Scientists speculate extraterrestrials may have completely different hair than humans

Humble eccentric decline in-flight beverage service

My Combo: Humble, disheartened eccentric mother worried about importance of loyalty to guacamole on Chinese lettuce leaves

On Satire Bits: Vol. 125

Welcome back to the first Satire Bits in 5 weeks. That’s right, the last one posted February 10th.

How’s your week gone so far? The past few days has blessed Cincinnati with pleasant weather, so hopefully you’ve experience positive days.

St. Patrick’s Day (Tuesday) was my yearly opportunity to have green spaghetti for lunch, then a delightful dinner at Seasons 52 to celebrate my wife’s birthday. The rest of the week looks a bit hectic, so the next point will be either the return of Opinion in the Shorts or another version of Briefs. Last week’s image of the 5 guys in underwear received many positive comments, so pressure is on!

Below the images are headlines from The Onion’s archives around a theme: Prisons. Because it has been several weeks, don’t forget the Combo Challenge. All anyone has to do is use only the words in the headlines below to form your own original headline. Think a noun, an adjective, a verb, and filler … then you have it. My Combo is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week.

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Prisoner’s right group protests treatment of super-villains in nation’s magnetic detainment cubes

China announces plans to build International Space Prison

WB Network targets booming prison population with new sitcom

Amnesty International demands gentler soap for Indonesian prisoner

Chinese rockers hold benefit for oppression

Study reveals conditions at women’s prisons deplorably unsexy

Nostalgic warden has seen three generations of family coming through

Smoking ban collapses fragile prison economy

Oregon man arrested in Zoophilia sting after propositioning FBI agent posing as a goat in chat room

Lutheran minister arrested for boring young children

Area man doesn’t understand why you’re arresting him now that he has his clothes back on

Congress arrested on manslaughter charges

My Combo: Goat reveals Congress as deplorably boring

On Satire Bits: Vol. 124

It’s been cold this week in Cincinnati – but at least I’m thankful that we haven’t received the snow continues to dump on the northeastern US. In the past 17 days, Boston has received 70+ inches (177+ cm)? That’s crazy! … and more is anticipated Friday and Sunday.

Life: The Musical official concludes on the next post. The epilogue focuses on life as whole, so submit songs that are about life, and hopefully special to you in some way … and I hope you will briefly share the why behind you choice. In other words, this is a chance to post a song about life that is important to you. Curtain time is Wednesday, 9:30 PM (Eastern US).

For your mid-week satire to propel you toward the weekend, I ventures into the depths of The Onion’s archival vault. Given yesterday’s post about education, I cleared the dust on many good ones. Any favorites? There’s also the Combo Challenge of making your own original headline from the words in the headlines below. For those wanting the extra challenge, try making a headline that’s not about education. My Combo is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week.

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Teacher hopes students can tell that he was once popular

Substitute teacher totally freaks

Gym teacher secretly hates nerds

Frustrated inner-city students running out of ideas to motivate teachers

Male substitute teacher cloaked in mystery

Nation’s substitute teachers what to know who threw that

Inspirational teacher cancelled out by every other teacher at school

Teacher’s sense of humor comes through in multiple-choice test

Gym teacher ensures students that bouncing wiffle balls on a parachute is a sport

Risk champ flunks geography test

French teacher informs student to tell her about the bathroom fire in French

Creative writing teacher announces plan to sit on edge of desk

Teacher sees potential in student with glasses

My Combo: Nerds motivate creative freaks to throw at balls of frustrated male