On Satire Bits: Vol. 119

Cheers to 2015’s first Wednesday!

How is your week so far? Cincinnati has received a blast of winter, but it’s affecting many in the US. Nonetheless, it’s nothing like last winter!

Time for a test … Do you remember the key words for the week?

Life: The Musical is the next post with Act 15 featuring songs with old, older, oldest, elderly, or aging in the title. Act 15 starts Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern US). Two Cautions: 1) “Getting Old” is the theme, so titles as 12 Year Old Boy would be deemed unacceptable because the boy isn’t old. 2) My Old Kentucky Home is unacceptable because I hate the University of Kentucky.

On to your mid-week dose of satire from The Onion. Which is your favorite? Plus, it’s time for the 2015’s first attempt at the Combination Challenge. For any newbies, from the words (and only those words) in The Onion headlines below the image, create your own, very original headline. My combo is at the end.

Has anyone ridden in a car like these two people? Have a good rest of the week.

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Poll: 80% of Americans would get in vehicle with stranger for chance at new life

Genetics emphatically deny playing any part in area man’s body

Researchers: Quality of sleep may be affected by abandoning family in 1994

Coworkers putting in Herculean effort to sustain conversation for entire commute

Pastor always knew agnostic would come crawling back to church for wedding

Man has only self to blame for what’s in targeted banner

Moronic mailroom worker worked way down from CEO

Hero of the Common Man talks to plumber for entire time while in house

Area mom raving about Phoenix airport

Responsible man sets aside small portion of every paycheck for bank to gamble

Man realizes he’s the only one of college friends falling out of touch

My Combo: Agnostic pastor raving about responsible man abandoning family for moronic hero

On Satire Bits: Vol. 117

It’s midweek and I feel behind for some reason. Oh well, tis the season.

How’s your week so far? Low key for me, but I return to the surgeon tomorrow, so hopefully he removes the stitches (Ouch!) and clears me for normal activity, including dance.

The next post is Act 14 of Life: The Musical with the wide-ranging theme of negative emotions in the song title. Many choices for participants, and I’m very happy with the opening act. The opening act appears at 9:30 pm (Eastern US).

Saturday is the 2014 aFa Holiday Party. Attendees of my past parties know it will go the entire weekend! My friends in Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia, New Zealand, and the night owls in the New World will be the first to arrive because the festivities start at 3:00 am (Eastern US). Feel free to bring your friends as the gift bags are ready!

Does anyone remember the keyword established when we started the week?

On to your energy boost from the satirists at The Onion. Any favorites? Don’t forget the extra challenge of making your own original headline by using the words in the headlines below. My “combo” is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week!

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Geneticists debate ethics of cloning humans and forcing them to fight to death in pit for amusement

Marvel reimagines Green Goblin as left-handed

Can anyone challenge Koala for baby-changing station dominance?

Community loses interest 3 days after rallying to save local theater

Person standing far away from burial must have deep, dark secret about deceased

Study: Majority of Americans unprepared for sucker punch to gut

Report: 43% of party invitations unprovoked

Juror way to far into trial to ask about how contusions are now

Workaholic dad misses only one of two accomplishments in unimpressive child’s life

Parents with more vacation time, financial resources want to know when son will come home to visit

My Combo: Unprovoked parents sucker punch unprepared geneticists for deep dark secret about left-handed son forcing workaholic Koala into death pit 

On Satire Bits: Vol. 116

Greetings everyone. How’s your week so far?

My week started with a planned minor surgery (removing a ganglion cyst from my lower leg). Although the worst part was arriving 2+ hours early, I’ll take it easy for a few days, which include no ballroom. On the other hand, I have time to a) prepare the next act of Life: The Musical, b) wrap the gift bags for the 2014 aFa Holiday Gathering (date TBA), and c) try to catch up on visiting your blogs.

This week will always be one that touches our hearts with memories as Monday has the 3rd anniversary of losing this wonderful friend (tribute post), while Tuesday was the 1st anniversary of my mother-in-law’s (MIL) passing (tribute post with good music). For me, I look back at the positive reminders that each of these ladies gave me. Meanwhile, I talked to the surviving spouse on Monday, plus we went to dinner with my father-in-law on Tuesday. Here’s a handbell piece that we played for our friend and fellow ringer above, plus my MIL would have loved it.

Enough of that, after all, the mid-week posts are about boosting your energy. Because the holiday crazies have begun, so it’s time for my annual video demonstrating frantic. Besides, I know Eleanor loves this video … and that crazy woman will get up, move, and shake it to this tune.

Now that the music is done, it’s time for your mid-week dose from The Onion. As is the custom, those desiring an extra challenge can create their own satirical headline by using the words from the headlines below. It’s easy, just think nouns, verbs, adjectives, prepositions, and whatever parts of speech you need – but you can only use the words below. My “combo” is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week.

Man given 3 months to live throws in one or two non-sexual things to do

Parents considering second child so daughter can have someone to grow apart from

Toll booth attendant wishes just one high-speed chase would crash through entry bar

New study finds humans shouldn’t spend more than 5 consecutive hours together

Study: 63% of all human speech occurs under breath

Area dad wants to watch one 7-hour block of television without interruption

New biodiversity program busses in species from outside ecosystems

Hospital comforts patients with new therapy oyster program

Woman worried student loans could prevent her from one day owning entirely different kind of crippling debt

Man stuck in dead-end body

My Combo: Worried woman spends 5 hours outside toll booth to comfort non-sexual area man with oyster therapy without interruption

On Satire Bits: Vol. 113

A mid-week cheer from Cincinnati. After several comfortable days, the weather is turning … then again, it’s November.

My week has been busy with enough personal errands that I’m behind on my visiting. Hopefully this won’t last long.

I forgot to ask on the Monday Morning Entertainment post, but did the news about Lauren Hill getting her wish to play in a college basketball game make the news in your area? I watched the player introductions (she was last), the opening tip, and her making the game’s first basket. To my surprise, she returned to the game and got the last basket. It was quite emotional to watch.

To close this post, it’s time for your mid-week dose of satire from The Onion. Which is your favorite? A reminder to try the Combo Challenge of forming your own headline from the words in the headlines below the pic from Getty Images. My Combo is at the end. Enjoy and have a good rest of the week.

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Man brings son into office to see where dad emasculated

Asexually reproduced sea sponge worried she’s turning into self

Maybelline introduces new ideal-woman rubber mask to use in place of makeup

Weird new cereal sets tone for first weekend at divorced Dad’s place

Livestock happiest, healthiest attendees at state fair

George Clooney enjoys another rousing evening at home with mummified members of Rat Pack

Delta Airlines launches alumni magazine for people who few airline previously

Area Facebook user incredibly stupid

FDA recommends at least 3 servings of food with word “Fruit” on the box

Report: Standing at work can increase coworker’s disdain up to 70%

My Combo: Coworkers introduces divorced woman to man with George Clooney mask

On Satire Bits: Vol. 112

Hey hey hey … How’s your week going? Do you need a dose of mid-week satire as an energy boost? If so .. hold that thought for a few important tidbits.

Life: The Musical starts Wednesday 9:30 pm (Eastern US) with Act 11 featuring Hope, so song titles must include Hope, Hopes, Hoped, Hoping, Hopeless, or Hopelessly in the title. Have you made your selection? Shhhhhh …. don’t tell anyone!

Because Halloween is Friday, The Onion offers these tips for the perfect Halloween party.

The 200,000 hit may happen with this post. Because I doubt it, my guess is during Life: The Musical (Act 11). … but heck, maybe during Opinions in the Shorts.  Whenever, my way of celebrating the occasion is to dive into The Onion’s archives searching for celebration headlines. Which is your favorite?

For those who want to write an original combo, go ahead .. but I struggled because of the nouns and similar verbs. Nonetheless, have a good rest of the week.

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Local couple celebrates anniversary by returning to website where they met

Chessmaster begins celebration several moves before checkmate

Parents at graduation celebrate child’s last accomplishment

Painful reminder celebrates fourth birthday

Larva celebrates ascent into adulthood with Bar-Moltzvah

Christianity celebrates one billionth unanswered prayer

White Castle bathroom stall celebrates fifth conception

Canvas shopping bag celebrates third year on doorknob

New hospital celebrates grand opening with free health-insurance samples

Team celebrates eighth straight loss by emptying garbage can contents on coach

Tiger Woods adds celebration where he slowing licks a putter shaft

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