Opinions in the Shorts: Vol. 261

I know there is a long way to go, but for whatever reason, I have an uneasy feeling about Hillary Clinton’s campaign. Just a perfect time for Vice President Biden to sit on the sidelines.

Although the Republican presidential field is many and growing, how these candidates pander to the right will continue to be a problem in a general election.

I wonder if the television ads by former Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) warning of economic have any effect on his son’s candidacy, Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY).

Given the situation in Iraq , here’s the question I’ve asked before and one that I haven’t notice anyone else asking: Would ISIS/ISIL be a problem if Saddam Hussein was in power?

We recently saw D-Day: Normandy 1944, an Omnimax film at the Cincinnati Museum Center. It’s very well done, so I encourage everyone to see it if you get a chance. To learn more, here’s the film’s website, which includes Find a Theater on the Menu.

The On Satire Bits finale was a lot of fun. Many thanks for the chuckles you gave me in the 134 posts. After all, I’m probably the only person who read every combo! One more series finale to go.

Meals: The Musical – Act 5: Ingredients provide many ingredients. Well done … but no eggs, mustard, ketchup, butter, barbecue sauce, peppermint, chili sauce, cheese, hot sauce, mayonnaise, flour, or coriander … and (as of this time), no buzzers from the producer!  Act 6 should be in two weeks – which means I will announce the theme in next week’s Opinions in the Shorts.

This week has had some unexpected turns, so no Explore or cartoon feature this Saturday, but I’m hoping to toast the new month next week. After all, two more months to go (June and July), and then all 12 months will have a tribute – which is something I didn’t intentionally try to do.

To lead you into this week’s headlines from The Onion, here’s their profile on newly announced presidential candidate Rick Santorum.

On This Week’s Headlines from The Onion
Complete idiot forgot to shave between mouth and nose
Toyota recalls 1993 Camry due to fact owner really should have bought something new by now
Amusement park adds sleeper cars to its roller coaster for passenger who prefer more restful ride
Wedding guest blissfully unaware she barely made the cut
Long-time coffee shop employee thought customers would care more about his last day
Toddler adjusting to society after serving 2-minute timeout

Interesting Reads
Negative views of Congress crossing party lines
Changing size of bathing suits
Europe’s next cheap travel destination?
New ancient human species found
An inspired inventor
Gases We Emit

For the last time in OITS, here are Your Weekend Celebrations
(Fri) Gnocchi Day, Put a Pillow on Your Fridge Day, Day of UN Peacekeepers, Learn About Composting Day, Hug Your Cat Day, Bats Day, Paperclip Day, Coq Au Vin Day, Heat Awareness Day, Pink Flamingo Day

(Sat) Mint Julep Day, Water a Flower Day, Macaroon Day, Wicket world of Croquet Day, My Bucket’s Got A Hole In It Day

(Sun) Save Your Hearing Day, What You Think Upon Grows Day, No Tobacco Day, Speak in Sentences Day

Here’s a 2-fer to send you into the weekend – two classics, including an unused song from Act 5. Have a safe weekend and in the words of Garrison Keillor, Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

On Satire Bits: The Finale

The first post I dedicated to a collection of satire from The Onion was on November 8, 2011. Five weeks later, the second post. The weekly feature started the following month, January 10, 2012. Somewhere along the line, Curmudgeon-at-Large suggested what became the Combo Challenge .. .and the rest is history. (Thanks Mudge!)

The previous post explained a change in this blog’s format … and On Satire Bits is a casualty from the reality stick’s blow. That’s OK, after all, it’s been a good run of 134 posts. A special thanks to The Onion for making it easy.

Before we get on to the final Combo Challenge, a reminder that Meals: The Musical continues with Act 5 featuring Ingredients. Although there is much latitude here, song titles must include herbs, flavorings, spices, and common ingredients that aren’t dishes themselves. Herbs and spices are acceptable on their own. On the other hand, stay away from fruits, vegetables, meats, chocolate, and anything that might cause the producer’s shorts to knot. Curtain time is 9:30 pm (Eastern US) Wednesday.

Although some voluntarily participate creating their own headlines in the small collection in Opinions in the Shorts, the time has come for the final Combo Challenge. For the occasion, some of the headlines below the image are from the first Satire Bits. Make your own headline from the words from the headlines below. My Combo is at the end.

Thanks again for supporting On Satire Bits, have a good week, and hope to see you at the theater for Act 5.

Coal lobby warns wind farms may blow Earth off orbit

Adult bookstore to enhance shopping experience with café

An over-the-top Chinese salute to Lady Gaga, with old people

Chickenpox lollipops ineffective

Google “opt-out” feature lets users protect privacy by moving to remote village

Jennifer Lopez comes out with own clothesline line

Facebook increases user control with new ‘Cancel Account’ feature

Tests biased against students who don’t give a shit

Restaurant gives totally unwanted twist to Mexican cuisine

High school student taking rejection from first-choice college in stride as if future not over

Totally unknown guy strolling around your part of office for some reason

Report: Income inequality most apparent during fifth grade classmates birthday party

Parents of crying child must not be any good

Teen makes clever remark in science class

My Combo: Jennifer Lopez crying in adult bookstore over Lady Gaga experience

Opinions in the Shorts: Vol. 260

Generally avoiding questions by Hillary Clinton (D-NY) is an interesting strategy. I wonder if it will cost her votes in the long run. Then again, there is plenty of time.

At least three more Republicans could very soon be joining the fray of seeking the nomination: Sen.Lindsey Graham (R-SC), Gov. John Kasich (R-OH), and former Gov. George Pataki (R-NY) … and more are on the way. It also appears former Gov. Martin O’Malley (D-Md) will be announcing on the Democratic side.

Fox News and CNN recently announced their selection criteria for the early Republican presidential debates. Although CNN has a Segment B for additional candidates, I would like to see a debate with the top 5 candidates being excluded.

Politico is a popular and reputable online news source about US politics. They recently expanded into Europe at politico.eu.

Speaking of Politico, here’s a gallery for political junkies about political guests with David Letterman.

This is interesting: A conservative economist and member of the Reagan White House explains how he believes Fox News hurts Republicans. For those wanting to know more, click here.

Here’s an excellent report by CNN about surveillance over the South China Sea.

Speaking of China, I want to know if one can read this blog in mainland China. Do you have any connections that can answer my burning question?

Attention bacon lovers. US bacon prices are 25% lower than a year ago.

It’s Memorial Day weekend – a 3-day weekend – the official start of summer vacation season- the Indianapolis 500 – parades, ceremonies, 21-gun salutes, pools open, picnics, outdoor activities, and more.

I thought the Dancing With the Stars Finals show was very entertaining … and Sharna Burgess was on every week. Cheers to Season 20!

Meals: The Musical returns next week, so I’ll announce the theme on the next Monday Morning Entertainment.

There will be a Saturday post as the Explore series resumes.

To lead you into this week’s headlines from The Onion, here’s their pros and cons about raising the minimum wage.

On This Week’s Headlines from The Onion
Anthropologists discover Ancient Greek Super PAC that helped shape first democracy
One year old still waiting for father’s first words
God realizes he forgot to put souls in humans
Child visits Ellis Island to see where grandparents once toured
McDonald’s reintroduces Hamburgler as attractive suburban dad

Interesting Reads
Cyber-archaeology saving relics
Islam and feminism
Photo gallery honoring BB King
Trains: driven by drivers or engineers
Columnist Roger Cohen’s thoughts about living in Italy
Smartphones and personal medicine

Your Weekend Celebrations
(Weekend) Mudbug Madness Days, Polka Weekend, Old-Time Player-Piano Days

(Fri) Toothpaste Tube Day, Buy a Musical Instrument Day, Don’t Fry Day, Vanilla Pudding Day, Canadian Immigrants Day, Harvey Milk Day, Heat Awareness Day, Biological Diversity Day, Maritime Day, Goth Day, Title Track Day, Wig Out Day, Maritime Day

(Sat) Lucky Penny Day, Jazz Day, Polka Day, Pickle Day, Crohn’s & Colitis Day, Turtle Day, Heritage Breeds Day, Taffy Day, Day to End Obstetric Fistula

(Sun) Scavenger Hunt Day, Escargot Day, Judgment in Paris Day, Brothers Day, Tiara Day, Mary Had A Little Lamb Day

The start of a 3-day weekend in a USA is a good reason for a 2-fer to send you into the weekend .. one from 1981 and one from today (which happens to be a Cincinnati band) … and both are timely. Which did you watch? Have a safe weekend and in the words of Garrison Keillor, Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

On Satire Bits: Vol. 133

Greetings from San Diego … oops … I mean Cincinnati … but our current weather is fabulous! I spent the day on the golf course, but the weather and company was better than the golf. Oh well, that’s the way the game is.

Thanks for the positive reaction about the previous post about Martha. I enjoyed putting that one together, and the variety of emotions surprised me. As I mentioned to some in the comments, my intent was around a tribute – not sadness. Nonetheless, I’m glad to know that some were touched by the post.

Below the image are the headlines from The Onion for your mid-week bump in satire. Any favorites? Don’t forget the Combo Challenge by making your own headline from the words in the headlines below. My Combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

Mother still searching for pre-school that focuses exclusively on her son

Email from Mom sent at 5:32 am

Man now too exhausted to repress both anger and sadness

Majority of Americans never use Physical Education after high school

Night of uninterrupted deep sleep really throws man’s day off

Breakthrough procedure allows parents to select sexiness of child

Trip to bar gives friends opportunity to sit around, do nothing in different place

Avoiding popular songs somehow accomplishment for local man

Study: Majority of frontal lobe occupied by thoughts of sausage links

Man on gurney has brief word with protagonist before entering ambulance

Apartment manager already knows to look out for tenant sending Minnie Mouse checks

Hollywood quietly shuts down after realizing entertainment a delicate matter of subjective opinion

My Combo: Man on gurney exhausted after searching for uninterrupted sausage links

Opinions in the Shorts: Vol. 259

Got to wonder why I selected that opening image.

Love the fact Congressional Democrats are having a public family fight over trade.

Congress continues to shamefully ignore infrastructure.

Interesting that to be Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton signed of statement about separating herself from the Clinton Foundation – but would it have been prudent for her to have a similar written statement with the Clinton Foundation?

Senator Bernie Sanders (D-VT) is challenging Hillary Clinton for the Democratic Party nominee for president. Here’s The Onion’s introducing us to Senator Sanders.

The headline is interesting: South Carolina Republican Refused Obamacare, Now Going Blind, Blames Barack Obama (see for yourself)

Because there was no need, the events around the Tom Brady, the New England Patriots, and deflating footballs reminds me of the Nixon administration and Watergate.

The current season of Dancing with the Stars has been better than I thought it would be when it started. From Noah’s inspiration to the Nastia’s (now eliminated) athleticism to Riker’s full-speed approach to Rumer’s artistry, a tip of the cap to them.

Earlier this week I posted about my journey as one of the Cincinnati Burger Guys. Love the banner below that I found on a blog. Meanwhile, I hope to join them for a burger in the future.
BurgerBanner

Speaking of hamburgers, here’s one of my favorite burger places in Cincinnati. Come on now – click here to see the menu … so, what would you order?

A shout out to AbyssBrain for this brilliant problem-solving flowchart. It’s worth the visit.

I enjoyed this post by Ocean Bream about the internet, brain activity, and behaviors.

Act 4 (Meats) of Meals: The Musical seemed to throw many for a loop. As I write this, acceptable songs that haven’t appeared from artists like Alan Jackson, Roy Orbison, Uncle Kracker, Les Paul, Manhattan Transfer, Fats Waller, Doors, Andrew Sisters, Neil Young, Ike & Tina Turner, and more. As always, quite the musical selection has been gathered.

It’s spring in Cincinnati, and summer is approaching – but, this video is for my southern hemisphere friends.

There will be a Saturday post as the Explore series resumes.

To lead you into this week’s headlines from The Onion, here’s their explanation of Super PACS.

On This Week’s Headlines from The Onion
Anthropologists discover Ancient Greek Super PAC that helped shape first democracy
One year old still waiting for father’s first words
God realizes he forgot to put souls in humans
Child visits Ellis Island to see where grandparents once toured
McDonald’s reintroduces Hamburgler as attractive suburban dad

Interesting Reads
Books about evolution published before Darwin
Berlin: Compared to 70 years ago
Generations and partisanship
Columnist David Brooks on the center-right
The bacteria at Yellowstone
A personal look at Ukraine

Your Weekend Celebrations
(Weekend) Art on the Square Days, Calaveras County Frog Jumping Days

(Fri) Straw Hat Day, Day of Families, Nylon Stockings Day, Peace Officer Memorial Day, Hyperemesis Gravidarum Awareness Day, Endangered Species Day, O. Henry Pun-Off Day, NASCAR Day, Bike to Work Day, Pizza Party Day, MPS Awareness Day, Defense Transportation Day, Tuberous Sclerosis Day, Chocolate Chip Day, Sauvignon Blanc Day, Dinosaur Day, Over-the-Rainbow Day, Kangaroo Care Day

(Sat) Mike the Headless Chicken Day, Do-Dah Day, Mimosa Day, Piercing Day, Sea Monkey Day, Biographer’s Day, Learn to Swim Day, Armed Forces Day, Love a Tree Day, Coquilles Saint Jacques Day, Wear Purple for Peace Day, Pickle Day, Spaghetti-O Day

(Sun) Morel Mushroom Day, Neighbor Day, Hypertension Day, Information Society Day, Telecommunications Day, Neurofibromatosis Day, Pack Rat Day, Cherry Cobbler Day, Walnut Day, Turn Beauty Inside Out Day, Merry-Go-Round Day

Here’s a two-fer to send you into the weekend – one questionable leftover from the latest Meals: The Musical Act and one for Dale who recently saw him in concert. Have a safe weekend and in the words of Garrison Keillor, Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

On Satire Bits: Vol. 132

Hooray … the front has passed through, thus the backside will deliver several days of optimal weather. Simply fabulous … and this is great golf weather. Too bad I struggled in my last round.

Meals: The Musical is the next post. Act 4 features Meat, so song titles must include meat(s) or any meat commonly served. Caution against using animal(s) or any specific animal unless the specific animal appears on a typical menu. For instance, thumbs down to pig(s), but sausage, bacon, pork, and ham are acceptable. Seafood items are unacceptable. Curtain time is Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern US).

Now for your mid-week boost in satire to lead you toward the weekend. Not only cheers to The Onion for their wonderful headlines, but don’t forget the Combo Challenge where you construct an original headline with the words from The Onion headlines below the image. My Combo is at the end. Any favorites below?

Have a good rest of the week. Hope to see you at the theater for Act 4.

Houseguest asks if host has blanket that’s never been washed he can use

Area woman can’t wait to get home and take-off uncomfortable persona

Study: Best method of finding job still excitedly circling newspaper listing with red marker

Barber’s paunch keeping touching customer

College encourages lively exchange of ideas

New poll finds 74% of Americans would be comfortable blaming female president for problems

Man always carries gun in case he need to escalate situation

Report: Majority of Earth’s potable water trapped in Coca Cola products

Man thinks going to Vegas for things other than gambling somehow less sad

Troubling report finds dreamingly sliding down back of door after kissing date on porch plummets 78%

My Combo: Area female finds gun in barber’s paunch

Opinions in the Shorts: Vol. 258

Biggest yawn of the week – Providing 3 new presidential candidates on the Republican side: Carly Fiorina, Ben Carson, and Mike Huckabee. Then again, additional candidates increases the odds of someone saying something stupid.

Several weeks ago I posted the graphic below showing our energy usage for the past year. Some of the reasons include LED lights in high-use areas, natural gas water heater and stove, programmable thermostat, and reasonable temperature settings.

EnergyUse1year

I asked my wife what song the handbell choir is playing for the final Sunday before the summer break, and a hit from years ago. Here’s Morning is Broken. Enjoy. Do you recall the artist who made it a hit?

Meals: The Musical returns next week, thus I will announce the theme in the next Monday Morning Entertainment.

No Saturday morning post this weekend, thus neither Cartoons or Explore features. Not that I don’t have a post ready, but I’m falling more and more behind, so I don’t want to make matters worse.

To lead you into the week’s headlines from The Onion, enjoy either a review of the latest Avengers film or links to the latest Republican presidential candidates” Carly Fiorina (R-CA), Ben Carson (R-MD), and Mike Huckabee (R-AR).

On This Week’s Headlines from The Onion
Head of National Potato Council declares US in midst of potato renaissance
Sports drink company putting first advertisement on the moon
Hotels now charging customers for looking at items in minibar
Tiger Woods & Lindsey Vonn blame breakup on hectic sex lives
Man frantically returns to website that just crashed his browser
Fetus going to pretend he didn’t hear loud argument coming from other side of uterine wall

Interesting Reads
Unnecessary health care
Pew Research Projecting Religions to 2050
(Video) Left brain and right brain
The fossil record: What it shows
Interpreting chickens communicating 
(Slideshow) 166 years of riots & protests in the US

Your Weekend Celebrations
(Fri) No Socks Day, Free Trade Day, Animal Disaster Preparedness Day, Victory in Europe Day, Child Care Provider Day, Military Spouse Appreciation Day, Red Cross/Red Crescent Day, Ovarian Cancer Day, Giving Sharks a Voice Day, Coconut Cream Pie Day, Have a Coke Day, Iris Day, Empanada Day, Time of Remembrance & Reconciliation for Those Who Lost Their Lives During the Second World War

(Sat) Birth-Mother’s Day, Moscato Day, Hurray for Buttons Day, Train Day, Butterscotch Brownie Day, Cornelia De Lange Syndrome Awareness Day, Windmill Day, Peter Pan Day, Root Canal Appreciation Day, Stay Up All Night Day, World Belly Dance Day, Archery Day, Lost Sock Memorial Day, Fair Trade Day, American Indian Day, Migratory Bird Day, Letter Carriers Stamp Out Hunger Food Drive Day, Babysitters Day, Miniature Golf Day, World Belly Dance Day (For those, like Bulldog, needing an erotic belly dance)

(Sun) Mother’s Day, Shrimp Day, Lipid Day, Lupus Day, Mothers at the Wall Day, Clean Up Your Room Day

To send you into the weekend, here are the Stray Cats (including a young Brian Setzer) with Rock this Town. Do you remember this video? (If you can’t see it, try this.)Have a safe weekend and in the words of Garrison Keillor, Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.