On Satire Bits: Vol. 46

With my project out of the way and tax information in the hands of an accountant, now its on to a variety of tidbits of things to do.

Seems like it’s a long time since the last bit of mid-week satire. Even though I wasn’t posting tidbits from The Onion midweek or in Friday’s Opinions in the Shorts, I was still gathering headlines from my favorite satire source.

I have more than normal because most of these have something to do with relatively recent news. Enjoy. Which is/are you favorite(s)?

North Korea returns to normalcy with synchronize disco jump-rope gala

Disappointed couple on 8-month waiting list to get married at the Pentagon

Girls Gone Wild Bankruptcy forces thousands of wet, wild party girls into tough job market

Chicago man bushes mound of snow from beef sandwich before eating it

Poll: 99% of human beings prefer big, slippery hound dog pope

Transportation Secretary hoarding traffic cones and stop signs before the sequester

Iran promises to end nuclear program in exchange for detailed diagram of atomic bomb

Les Miserables wins Oscar for most sound

Obama and Congress must reach deal by March 15, and then by April 11, and then by April 20th, and then by May 1st

Bus transporting Carnival cruise passengers crashes into sewage treatment plant

Hung-over Energy Secretary wakes up next to solar panel

I-95 diagnosed with highway cancer

Ben Affleck nominated for best friend of Matt Damon

Dead iPod remembered as expensive

College freshman roommate has had excuses to go home every weekend since August

Millions of human beings experiencing emotions about JJ Abrams directing Star Wars

Rod Stewart passes for elderly aunt

On Satire Bits: Vol. 35

How’s your week been so far? Two more stars (Kirstie and Gilles) have fallen from Dancing with the Stars as we speed toward the ending of another season.

On Monday we saw the new Bond film … that Bond, as in James Bond. Skyfall is a good thriller, so I recommend it. For your enjoyment, this post concludes with the international trailer and the video to the theme song by Adele.

Meanwhile, it’s on to the mid-week dose of satire from The Onion. After all, this is the first full version since Halloween! Enjoy … any favorites?

Area Man Unable to Impress Soul Mate within 90 Seconds at Speed Dating Event

Trivia Pursuit Reveals lack of Knowledge about Basic Social Skills

Herculean Effort, Astronomical Expense Lead to Photo of Whole Family at Disney World

Undercurrent of Inequality and Fear Roiling Just Beneath Surface of 50s-Theme Diner

Local Man finally takes “Buy Socks” Off To-Do List

Older Brother Playing with Younger Brother on Swing Set Decides to One Day Con Him out of $50K

Dad Suggests Arriving at Airport 14 Hours Early

Stating the Unimportance of the next 3 Hours Literally Impossible

Ex-Girlfriend must be getting Desperate to keep Answering His Phone Calls

Quiznos Sandwich Maker Worked Way Up from Mailroom

Guy on Intense Cell Phone Call Walking Up and Down Block for Past 45 Minutes

2,400 Millionaires Collected Jobless Benefits in 2009

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Skyfall: The International Trailer

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Skyfall by Adele with movie scenes