Opinions in the Shorts: Vol. 277

Cheers to your efforts of making Act 3 of Dance The Musical a success.

In the next and last act for Dance: The Musical, Act 4 provides the biggest challenge of any musical act.

  • Songs must feature the name of a dance in the title
  • Waltz, Macarena, and Hokey Pokey are acceptable examples … BUT ….
  • No dance can be used more than once
  • No children songs
  • Info is on the Hear Ye page
  • Performance time: next Tuesday at 9:30 pm (Eastern US)

I will probably have an Explore post this weekend.

Wouldn’t you know it. Kim Davis (the Kentucky County Clerk) finally made a good decision, and then screws it up when she added a disclaimer line to the marriage license. The lady doesn’t get it and I think she’s getting lousy legal advice. Meanwhile, The Onion got their word in by doing this profile on her.

In terms of the second Republican Debate, yep – I followed my same format as before: deciding not to watch, then get some information from a variety of talking heads. The day after I watched both CNN and Fox News … and I came away with the same conclusion about these two networks – There’s no way they were talking about the same event – although the difference wasn’t as vastly different as after the first debate.

I discovered (from NPR) the amount of talk-time for each candidate in the second debate. The data supports my idea that the “debate” is the wrong term. Although the evening’s rules naturally skew the results.
TalkTime2For the interested, here are various FactChecks from the event: PolitiFactsWashington PostCNNFox NewsAssociated Press

To lead you into this week’s satire, here’s The Onion’s help to parent when talking to children about death.

Weekly Headlines from The Onion (Combos welcome)

  • Juggler’s Medication Wears Off Halfway Through Routine
  • Report: 92% Of Americans Would Have Gotten Over Ex By Now
  • Report: Oyster Cracker–Wise, Nation Doing Pretty Good
  • Google Engineers Invent New Body Part To Strap Gadgets Onto
  • Weather Report: Upturned earthworms imminent
  • Gender Guessed Correctly On Second Try

Interesting Reads
Pope Francis and the Vatican: Who changes who?
The blind hiker
China’s growing middle class
Africa’s population boom
(Video) Connection in and through dance (Thanks Lame)
Headless chicken
(Photos) Autumn in Alaska

Here is another two-fer to lead you into the weekend. A leftover from Act 4 (I was surprised it wasn’t used) and a rock classic. Have a safe weekend and in the words of Garrison Keillor, Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

On Satire Bits: Vol. 133

Greetings from San Diego … oops … I mean Cincinnati … but our current weather is fabulous! I spent the day on the golf course, but the weather and company was better than the golf. Oh well, that’s the way the game is.

Thanks for the positive reaction about the previous post about Martha. I enjoyed putting that one together, and the variety of emotions surprised me. As I mentioned to some in the comments, my intent was around a tribute – not sadness. Nonetheless, I’m glad to know that some were touched by the post.

Below the image are the headlines from The Onion for your mid-week bump in satire. Any favorites? Don’t forget the Combo Challenge by making your own headline from the words in the headlines below. My Combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

Mother still searching for pre-school that focuses exclusively on her son

Email from Mom sent at 5:32 am

Man now too exhausted to repress both anger and sadness

Majority of Americans never use Physical Education after high school

Night of uninterrupted deep sleep really throws man’s day off

Breakthrough procedure allows parents to select sexiness of child

Trip to bar gives friends opportunity to sit around, do nothing in different place

Avoiding popular songs somehow accomplishment for local man

Study: Majority of frontal lobe occupied by thoughts of sausage links

Man on gurney has brief word with protagonist before entering ambulance

Apartment manager already knows to look out for tenant sending Minnie Mouse checks

Hollywood quietly shuts down after realizing entertainment a delicate matter of subjective opinion

My Combo: Man on gurney exhausted after searching for uninterrupted sausage links

On Satire Bits: Vol. 128

Hope you enjoyed that creative remix of the fabulous commercial.

How has your week gone so far? Hopefully OK.

We attended the annual Home Owners Association (HOA) meeting last night. Oh boy – just confirmation that some don’t understand what it means to live in a condo and that some simply should not.

Golf league season has arrived and delivered a dilemma to me. At the end of last season, the course notified all leagues that it would be closing in a few months. My league (as well as my wife’s) found another course. Because my league involved changing days, I decided not to return. I found a new league, but then (and without notice) I discovered that league is no more. In other words, I’m currently a golfer without a league. Interestingly, the original course remains open – causing me to wonder – why did they runoff guaranteed income? Very strange and unprofessional.

Meals: The Musical takes to the stage in the next post. Act 2 features Fruit – so song titles must include fruit(s) or any nutritional fruit in the title. Keep in mind that tomato(es) are not acceptable. Using a similar rationale, nut(s) or any type of nut, are not acceptable. Advice – Don’t make it harder than it is because there are many songs available. Curtain time is Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern US).

The pigs below are multi-tasking as they are not only getting their tune for Meals: The Musical, they are also preparing their Combo Challenge. For the newbies, the satirical headlines below are from The Onion, and the Combo Challenge involves forming your own original headline from the headlines below. My Combo is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week.

Report: More Americans setting aside money in case of PR emergency

Empty “About Us” page leaves Chinese buffet’s origins shrouded in mystery

Allowance to teach children importance of parental dependence

Disheartened man expected at least one text while checking phone after flight

Hippocratic Oath updated to include vow of loyalty to insurance company

Increasingly worried man hasn’t yet come across any guacamole in burrito

Teen sick of mother barging into room with clean, folded clothes

Lettuce sentence to slow painful death in vegetable crisper drawer

Cat who spends life on one of two couch cushions given rabies vaccine

Scientists speculate extraterrestrials may have completely different hair than humans

Humble eccentric decline in-flight beverage service

My Combo: Humble, disheartened eccentric mother worried about importance of loyalty to guacamole on Chinese lettuce leaves

On Satire Bits: Vol. 127

How’s your week so far? I’ve been using mine to make up for lost time while trying to balance life.

The rain stayed away long enough for me to go into the city for the Opening Day parade. Wow … a lot of people missed work on Monday. The city was buzzing, and the day ended with a dramatic Reds win.

By not posting Tuesday, I was able to get back to visiting. Therefore, I will not post tomorrow, thus Opinions in the Shorts will be the next post.

On to your midweek satire from The Onion. Any favorites below? As with most collections like this, there’s always the Combo Challenge to spark your neurons. For those needing an introduction, create your own satirical headline by using the words (and only those words) that are in the headlines below the image. My Combo is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week.

Band dreams of one day becoming popular enough to alienate early fans

All cheapest items on wedding registry already purchased

Woman transitioning from being terrified of getting pregnant to being terrified she can’t get pregnant

Navy forms elite SEAL Team to write best-selling tell-all books

Study: Beginning email with short, disingenuous inquiry into personal life best way to network

Scientists require $10 million grant to melt stuff

CIA admits role in 1985 coup to oust David Lee Roth

Consumer entering that awkward age between target demographics

Nation doesn’t know if it can take another bullshit speech about healing

Father-in-law think thank issues one-sentence solution to immigration, unemployment, and crime problems

My Combo: Woman dreams of cheapest way to get David Lee Roth pregnant

On Satire Bits: Vol. 124

It’s been cold this week in Cincinnati – but at least I’m thankful that we haven’t received the snow continues to dump on the northeastern US. In the past 17 days, Boston has received 70+ inches (177+ cm)? That’s crazy! … and more is anticipated Friday and Sunday.

Life: The Musical official concludes on the next post. The epilogue focuses on life as whole, so submit songs that are about life, and hopefully special to you in some way … and I hope you will briefly share the why behind you choice. In other words, this is a chance to post a song about life that is important to you. Curtain time is Wednesday, 9:30 PM (Eastern US).

For your mid-week satire to propel you toward the weekend, I ventures into the depths of The Onion’s archival vault. Given yesterday’s post about education, I cleared the dust on many good ones. Any favorites? There’s also the Combo Challenge of making your own original headline from the words in the headlines below. For those wanting the extra challenge, try making a headline that’s not about education. My Combo is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week.

Teacher hopes students can tell that he was once popular

Substitute teacher totally freaks

Gym teacher secretly hates nerds

Frustrated inner-city students running out of ideas to motivate teachers

Male substitute teacher cloaked in mystery

Nation’s substitute teachers what to know who threw that

Inspirational teacher cancelled out by every other teacher at school

Teacher’s sense of humor comes through in multiple-choice test

Gym teacher ensures students that bouncing wiffle balls on a parachute is a sport

Risk champ flunks geography test

French teacher informs student to tell her about the bathroom fire in French

Creative writing teacher announces plan to sit on edge of desk

Teacher sees potential in student with glasses

My Combo: Nerds motivate creative freaks to throw at balls of frustrated male

On Satire Bits: Vol. 122

The nor’easter storm pounded the New England coast this week. Although Lame in NYC got lucky, I’ve got the feeling Audra took the brunt. Maybe Cynthia can give us a report from Vermont. Good luck to everyone up there.

Meanwhile, Cincinnati received a dusting and cool temperatures.

In the spirit of my education series, The Onion’s archives provides this week’s Wednesday satire to spring you toward the weekend. Even though these are from the vault, the Combo Challenge is still available – so hey – make your own headline from the words in the headlines below the image. My Combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

Students thankful standardized curriculum sparing them from free-spirited teacher antics

Parent urges child to invest in improv comedy education

Study: Most high school graduates woefully unprepared for high school

Instruction in Internet negates need for sex education

Education is our passport to something or other

Are tests biased against students who don’t give a shit?

Study finds college is more valuable than spending four years chained to radiator

Importance of education given valuable lip service

Dept of Education study reveals Seniors Rule

Parents of nasal learners demand odor-based curriculum

Progressive charter school doesn’t have students

Report: Chinese third graders falling behind US high school students in science and math

My Combo: Progressive charter school students who don’t give a shit urge woefully unprepared parents to invest in free-spirited improv sex education curriculum 

On Satire Bits: Vol. 121

A mid-week greeting to all!

How’s your week going so far? Mine has been low-key, and believe it or not, no dancing yet.

Yesterday’s post about education was well received. Perspectives from UK, Finland, Canada, South Africa, Spain, New Zealand, India, Argentina, and USA .. and all about statements made many years ago. I should have another collection ready for next week.

The next post is Life: The Musical – Act 16 featuring songs with dead, die, dies, died, or death in the title. Get your songs ready because curtain time is Wednesday at 9:30 PM (Eastern US).

Below the image are your mid-week bits of satire from The Onion. For that extra challenge, jump into the fray by developing your very own original headline from the words below. So hey … my combo is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week.

Grandfather seems proud of how many people polio killed

Life-changing epiphany wears off on ride home

Wrong turn finds man on poor side of mall

New employee has never known decadent pleasures of old office

Man tinkering with anecdote set list before next date

Married couple frustrated after months of unsuccessfully trying to sell baby

Report: America still world leader in manufacturing excuses

Completely uninhibited party guest still choosing to talk about work

Young child still developing antibodies to Mountain Dew

More Americans putting off marriage until ultimatum

China vows to begin aggressively falsifying air pollution numbers

New History Channel program explores what would have happened if History Channel never existed

My Combo: Uninhibited married couple proud of pleasures in old office