On Satire Bits: Vol. 128

Hope you enjoyed that creative remix of the fabulous commercial.

How has your week gone so far? Hopefully OK.

We attended the annual Home Owners Association (HOA) meeting last night. Oh boy – just confirmation that some don’t understand what it means to live in a condo and that some simply should not.

Golf league season has arrived and delivered a dilemma to me. At the end of last season, the course notified all leagues that it would be closing in a few months. My league (as well as my wife’s) found another course. Because my league involved changing days, I decided not to return. I found a new league, but then (and without notice) I discovered that league is no more. In other words, I’m currently a golfer without a league. Interestingly, the original course remains open – causing me to wonder – why did they runoff guaranteed income? Very strange and unprofessional.

Meals: The Musical takes to the stage in the next post. Act 2 features Fruit – so song titles must include fruit(s) or any nutritional fruit in the title. Keep in mind that tomato(es) are not acceptable. Using a similar rationale, nut(s) or any type of nut, are not acceptable. Advice – Don’t make it harder than it is because there are many songs available. Curtain time is Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern US).

The pigs below are multi-tasking as they are not only getting their tune for Meals: The Musical, they are also preparing their Combo Challenge. For the newbies, the satirical headlines below are from The Onion, and the Combo Challenge involves forming your own original headline from the headlines below. My Combo is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week.

Report: More Americans setting aside money in case of PR emergency

Empty “About Us” page leaves Chinese buffet’s origins shrouded in mystery

Allowance to teach children importance of parental dependence

Disheartened man expected at least one text while checking phone after flight

Hippocratic Oath updated to include vow of loyalty to insurance company

Increasingly worried man hasn’t yet come across any guacamole in burrito

Teen sick of mother barging into room with clean, folded clothes

Lettuce sentence to slow painful death in vegetable crisper drawer

Cat who spends life on one of two couch cushions given rabies vaccine

Scientists speculate extraterrestrials may have completely different hair than humans

Humble eccentric decline in-flight beverage service

My Combo: Humble, disheartened eccentric mother worried about importance of loyalty to guacamole on Chinese lettuce leaves

On Satire Bits: Vol. 127

How’s your week so far? I’ve been using mine to make up for lost time while trying to balance life.

The rain stayed away long enough for me to go into the city for the Opening Day parade. Wow … a lot of people missed work on Monday. The city was buzzing, and the day ended with a dramatic Reds win.

By not posting Tuesday, I was able to get back to visiting. Therefore, I will not post tomorrow, thus Opinions in the Shorts will be the next post.

On to your midweek satire from The Onion. Any favorites below? As with most collections like this, there’s always the Combo Challenge to spark your neurons. For those needing an introduction, create your own satirical headline by using the words (and only those words) that are in the headlines below the image. My Combo is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week.

Band dreams of one day becoming popular enough to alienate early fans

All cheapest items on wedding registry already purchased

Woman transitioning from being terrified of getting pregnant to being terrified she can’t get pregnant

Navy forms elite SEAL Team to write best-selling tell-all books

Study: Beginning email with short, disingenuous inquiry into personal life best way to network

Scientists require $10 million grant to melt stuff

CIA admits role in 1985 coup to oust David Lee Roth

Consumer entering that awkward age between target demographics

Nation doesn’t know if it can take another bullshit speech about healing

Father-in-law think thank issues one-sentence solution to immigration, unemployment, and crime problems

My Combo: Woman dreams of cheapest way to get David Lee Roth pregnant

On Satire Bits: Vol. 124

It’s been cold this week in Cincinnati – but at least I’m thankful that we haven’t received the snow continues to dump on the northeastern US. In the past 17 days, Boston has received 70+ inches (177+ cm)? That’s crazy! … and more is anticipated Friday and Sunday.

Life: The Musical official concludes on the next post. The epilogue focuses on life as whole, so submit songs that are about life, and hopefully special to you in some way … and I hope you will briefly share the why behind you choice. In other words, this is a chance to post a song about life that is important to you. Curtain time is Wednesday, 9:30 PM (Eastern US).

For your mid-week satire to propel you toward the weekend, I ventures into the depths of The Onion’s archival vault. Given yesterday’s post about education, I cleared the dust on many good ones. Any favorites? There’s also the Combo Challenge of making your own original headline from the words in the headlines below. For those wanting the extra challenge, try making a headline that’s not about education. My Combo is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week.

Teacher hopes students can tell that he was once popular

Substitute teacher totally freaks

Gym teacher secretly hates nerds

Frustrated inner-city students running out of ideas to motivate teachers

Male substitute teacher cloaked in mystery

Nation’s substitute teachers what to know who threw that

Inspirational teacher cancelled out by every other teacher at school

Teacher’s sense of humor comes through in multiple-choice test

Gym teacher ensures students that bouncing wiffle balls on a parachute is a sport

Risk champ flunks geography test

French teacher informs student to tell her about the bathroom fire in French

Creative writing teacher announces plan to sit on edge of desk

Teacher sees potential in student with glasses

My Combo: Nerds motivate creative freaks to throw at balls of frustrated male

On Satire Bits: Vol. 122

The nor’easter storm pounded the New England coast this week. Although Lame in NYC got lucky, I’ve got the feeling Audra took the brunt. Maybe Cynthia can give us a report from Vermont. Good luck to everyone up there.

Meanwhile, Cincinnati received a dusting and cool temperatures.

In the spirit of my education series, The Onion’s archives provides this week’s Wednesday satire to spring you toward the weekend. Even though these are from the vault, the Combo Challenge is still available – so hey – make your own headline from the words in the headlines below the image. My Combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

Students thankful standardized curriculum sparing them from free-spirited teacher antics

Parent urges child to invest in improv comedy education

Study: Most high school graduates woefully unprepared for high school

Instruction in Internet negates need for sex education

Education is our passport to something or other

Are tests biased against students who don’t give a shit?

Study finds college is more valuable than spending four years chained to radiator

Importance of education given valuable lip service

Dept of Education study reveals Seniors Rule

Parents of nasal learners demand odor-based curriculum

Progressive charter school doesn’t have students

Report: Chinese third graders falling behind US high school students in science and math

My Combo: Progressive charter school students who don’t give a shit urge woefully unprepared parents to invest in free-spirited improv sex education curriculum 

On Satire Bits: Vol. 121

A mid-week greeting to all!

How’s your week going so far? Mine has been low-key, and believe it or not, no dancing yet.

Yesterday’s post about education was well received. Perspectives from UK, Finland, Canada, South Africa, Spain, New Zealand, India, Argentina, and USA .. and all about statements made many years ago. I should have another collection ready for next week.

The next post is Life: The Musical – Act 16 featuring songs with dead, die, dies, died, or death in the title. Get your songs ready because curtain time is Wednesday at 9:30 PM (Eastern US).

Below the image are your mid-week bits of satire from The Onion. For that extra challenge, jump into the fray by developing your very own original headline from the words below. So hey … my combo is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week.

Grandfather seems proud of how many people polio killed

Life-changing epiphany wears off on ride home

Wrong turn finds man on poor side of mall

New employee has never known decadent pleasures of old office

Man tinkering with anecdote set list before next date

Married couple frustrated after months of unsuccessfully trying to sell baby

Report: America still world leader in manufacturing excuses

Completely uninhibited party guest still choosing to talk about work

Young child still developing antibodies to Mountain Dew

More Americans putting off marriage until ultimatum

China vows to begin aggressively falsifying air pollution numbers

New History Channel program explores what would have happened if History Channel never existed

My Combo: Uninhibited married couple proud of pleasures in old office

On Satire Bits: Vol. 120

Happy Midweek from chilly Cincinnati. Brrrr … but at least it’s not as cold as it was … and warmer weather is on the way. To those to my north, I know it’s colder for you, and we northerners envy the southerners and those in the southern hemisphere.

I just saw the movie Selma. I hope to post about it soon, but the bottom line is that I recommend the movie.

Some of you may recall that our dance studio closed. Fortunately for us, another studio picked up our lessons with no strings attached. Because we had already paid for them, that’s huge. At the new venue, so far, so good. My wife was out tonight, so I went to a group class for basic steps of bachata. It’s not me, but that it was fun to try. For the curious, here’s a video of steps with the basics. Then again, this couple is smokin’ with more advanced steps.

On to your midweek collection of satire from The Onion. Which of these give you the biggest chuckle? For those desiring a challenge, make your own original satirical headline by using only the words in the headlines below the image. My Combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

Area man self-conscious about the wrong things

Man too exhausted to repress both anger and sadness

After careful thought, teen applies to college where family donating building

Man’s whole job undoing handiwork of self-checkout machine

New census study finds that 40% of US population is filler

Restaurant patrons rapidly losing faith parents going to do something about 4-year old

Delicate little man kept awake all night by having coffee after 4 pm

Job applicant blows away interviewer with intimate knowledge of company’s About Us page

Report: 79% of world’s attics remain unexplored

Man’s heart stopped as speaker asks audience to turn to person next to them

Four angels banished from heaven for attempting to unionize

Crowd outside of White House hoping to catch glimpse of President naked

My Combo: Restaurant banishes patrons for intimate antics with coffee machine

On Satire Bits: Vol. 119

Cheers to 2015’s first Wednesday!

How is your week so far? Cincinnati has received a blast of winter, but it’s affecting many in the US. Nonetheless, it’s nothing like last winter!

Time for a test … Do you remember the key words for the week?

Life: The Musical is the next post with Act 15 featuring songs with old, older, oldest, elderly, or aging in the title. Act 15 starts Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern US). Two Cautions: 1) “Getting Old” is the theme, so titles as 12 Year Old Boy would be deemed unacceptable because the boy isn’t old. 2) My Old Kentucky Home is unacceptable because I hate the University of Kentucky.

On to your mid-week dose of satire from The Onion. Which is your favorite? Plus, it’s time for the 2015’s first attempt at the Combination Challenge. For any newbies, from the words (and only those words) in The Onion headlines below the image, create your own, very original headline. My combo is at the end.

Has anyone ridden in a car like these two people? Have a good rest of the week.

Poll: 80% of Americans would get in vehicle with stranger for chance at new life

Genetics emphatically deny playing any part in area man’s body

Researchers: Quality of sleep may be affected by abandoning family in 1994

Coworkers putting in Herculean effort to sustain conversation for entire commute

Pastor always knew agnostic would come crawling back to church for wedding

Man has only self to blame for what’s in targeted banner

Moronic mailroom worker worked way down from CEO

Hero of the Common Man talks to plumber for entire time while in house

Area mom raving about Phoenix airport

Responsible man sets aside small portion of every paycheck for bank to gamble

Man realizes he’s the only one of college friends falling out of touch

My Combo: Agnostic pastor raving about responsible man abandoning family for moronic hero