Opinions in the Shorts: Vol. 405

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Introducing a new header. This is a collection of faint, newly formed (1-to-2 million years old) stars in Westerlund 2 (a small area within the Milky Way). To see past headers, visit Past Headers page (tab) or click here.

To my Canadian readers, a belated Happy Canada Day (which was July 1st).

To my American readers, Happy Independence Day! To the rest of the world, Happy July 4th (the day between July 3rd and July 5th).

Ohio is a strange fireworks state. We can buy a certain grade of fireworks from a licensed in-state dealer, but it is illegal to use them.

In my opinion, Number of Followers is the most insignificant stat in blogging – yet, I noticed crossing the latest milestone – 7,800.

Thanks for those participating in the Elton John concert. The next blog concert features Crosby, Still, Nash, and Young. Because of how these musicians mixed and match, all songs must feature 2, 3, or 4 of them – but not as soloists. Tentative date is Saturday July 13th – and The Producer is eager for this one.

For those who didn’t know and don’t remember, I hate hot, muggy weather – but to celebrate the arrival of the summer heat in the northern hemisphere, I will use a summer songs at the end of the post.

I struggled in the first mini-season in my golf league – so I’m hoping for better in mini-season 2.

Wimbledon – one of the greatest tennis tournaments in the world has started. In the midst of the Women’s World Cup (soccer) and the pay discrepancies between the men’s and women’s teams in the US, Wimbledon has an unusual approach for the prize money – equal pay for unequal work.

For those you saw Rocketman, here’s an interesting interview with Elton John and Taron Egerton (the actor portraying Sir Elton in the movie). FYI: It’s 14 minutes.

A friend of ours marched in Cincinnati’s Pride Day Parade. The number of Christian churches who marched supporting the day pleasantly surprised her.

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Back in May I established Biden’s Dilemma – which (so far) seems to be playing out – but it’s early.

Not to anyone’s surprise, I did not watch either of the recent Democratic debates. Where as last week I provided fact checks to Night 1, here are fact checks to Night 2: FactCheck, PolitFact, PBS, NBC, CBS

Do you remember the outrage involving the Elian Gonzalez situation in 2000? Compare that to the lack of outrage of what is happening today along the US-Mexico border.

To the Trumpians, President Trump is winning the trade battle with China. What Trumpians either don’t know or don’t care about is;

  • President Trump has not used the avenues of the World Trade Organization (WTO)
  • Instead of involving traditional trading partners, President Trump has chosen to deal alone
  • President Trump has emboldened China in their dealings with other countries, so China has reduced tariffs with other countries while increasing US tariffs. Then again, he is the master of the deal. If you don’t believe so, just ask him.

To lead you into this week’s satirical headlines, The Onion provides tips for the perfect picnic.

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Weekly Headlines from The Onion (combos welcome)

Baby’s crows first word ‘Caw’
Historians reveal aqueducts were only a small portion of Ancient Rome’s intricate waterpark system
Barista only person in coffee shop with job
Porn star has face only a stepmother could love
If Earth continues to warm at current rate, Moon will be mostly underwater by 2400
Experts say earliest sign of mental health issues usually crossing eyes while dribbling fingers on lips, saying “Cuckoo, Cuckoo”

Interesting Reads

The most connected countries
The need for intestinal worms
Exiling a Greek philosopher
Data regarding thoughts about fake news
State of the news media
Coordinating Fake News and Fake Science
How fireworks came to America
(Graphic) Compare countries GDP ( a good visual)
(Photos) Seeking relief from the heatwave

To send you into the weekend, here’s a summer song that Dale will love. In the words of Garrison Keillor, Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

On Satire Bits: Vol. 128

Hope you enjoyed that creative remix of the fabulous commercial.

How has your week gone so far? Hopefully OK.

We attended the annual Home Owners Association (HOA) meeting last night. Oh boy – just confirmation that some don’t understand what it means to live in a condo and that some simply should not.

Golf league season has arrived and delivered a dilemma to me. At the end of last season, the course notified all leagues that it would be closing in a few months. My league (as well as my wife’s) found another course. Because my league involved changing days, I decided not to return. I found a new league, but then (and without notice) I discovered that league is no more. In other words, I’m currently a golfer without a league. Interestingly, the original course remains open – causing me to wonder – why did they runoff guaranteed income? Very strange and unprofessional.

Meals: The Musical takes to the stage in the next post. Act 2 features Fruit – so song titles must include fruit(s) or any nutritional fruit in the title. Keep in mind that tomato(es) are not acceptable. Using a similar rationale, nut(s) or any type of nut, are not acceptable. Advice – Don’t make it harder than it is because there are many songs available. Curtain time is Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern US).

The pigs below are multi-tasking as they are not only getting their tune for Meals: The Musical, they are also preparing their Combo Challenge. For the newbies, the satirical headlines below are from The Onion, and the Combo Challenge involves forming your own original headline from the headlines below. My Combo is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week.

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Report: More Americans setting aside money in case of PR emergency

Empty “About Us” page leaves Chinese buffet’s origins shrouded in mystery

Allowance to teach children importance of parental dependence

Disheartened man expected at least one text while checking phone after flight

Hippocratic Oath updated to include vow of loyalty to insurance company

Increasingly worried man hasn’t yet come across any guacamole in burrito

Teen sick of mother barging into room with clean, folded clothes

Lettuce sentence to slow painful death in vegetable crisper drawer

Cat who spends life on one of two couch cushions given rabies vaccine

Scientists speculate extraterrestrials may have completely different hair than humans

Humble eccentric decline in-flight beverage service

My Combo: Humble, disheartened eccentric mother worried about importance of loyalty to guacamole on Chinese lettuce leaves

On Satire Bits: Vol. 110

How’s your week gone so far?

With today being a dreary day in Cincinnati, I decided to start my quest of dedicating as much of one day as possible to writing. So, hey … I now have some posts already in the queue!

No golf league in my schedule means I get an extra evening at home. But, that also means I will prepare dinner. My wife had to leave quickly this evening, so I kept it simple – spaghetti with a personally made meat sauce with Italian sausage, onions, fennel seed, basil, red wine, and tomatoes – and then top the plate with crumbled feta cheese.

A reminder that the next act of Life: The Musical goes live Wednesday, 9:30 pm (Eastern US). Because we know life is more than work, Play (as in having fun) is the theme, so get your songs reading with any of the following in the title: Play, Playing, Fun, or a fun activity (such as swimming). The producer is worried about this one, so good luck.

It’s time for that mid-week boost of satire to give you a burst toward the weekend. You also have a chance to create your own, original satirical headline by using the words in the headlines below the image. Have a good rest of the week.

Going-out-of-business sign thanks neighborhood for 3 months of no support whatsoever

More couples using wedding drones to film nuptials

Entirety of man’s personal data protected by reference to third season of West Wing

Homosexuality only thing parent can accept about son

Employer totally botches job interview

New law requires welfare recipients to submit sweat to prove how they are looking for a job

Wife already knows the one thing she’ll say that can never be taken back

Drug company releases new drug to treat people who feel sort of weird sometimes

New Kindle helps readers show off by shouting title of book loudly and repeatedly

Groundbreaking young adult novel features protagonist who’s a bit of a loner

My Combo: Loner wife helps drug company treat wedding couples with no drugs

On Satire Bits: Vol. 108

Depending when you read this, it’s either the last of September or the beginning of October – nonetheless, I say Hello October!

Being a new month you may have been expecting my toast to October,  but come on now … interrupt your mid-week dose of satire? But never fear, the October post is next.

My golf league is official over. It was a bit sad for me because today was our last night ever because the course that I’ve played for over 20 years is closing. Good news is that my partner and I are Second Half Champions, plus I think I also won an individual honor. Considering that my wife won her league, we are the House of Champions!

Reminder to all that I have a blog party on the docket for this weekend. The post will go live sometime after midnight Saturday (Eastern US) for the European morning, the Aussies and Kiwis lunch, and everyone else in between or earlier. I only host these when the occasion warrants, so hopefully my regulars will not only drop by, but hey … your friends are welcome.

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Because it’s Astronomy Week, I dived into the deep, dark bowels of The Onion’s archives to find astronomy-related satire. Any favorites among these? For those wanting the combo challenge, make your own headline from the words in the headlines below. My Combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

Astronomers discover massive asteroid that could wipe out life on Earth, force Nordstrom out of business

Astronomers admit making up Neptune

NASA to send Earth into space

Astronomer discovers black hole at center of own marriage

Intelligent, condescending life found in distant galaxy

Study finds Earth located in lamest part of universe

Mean scientists dash hopes for life on Mars

Astronomers say Earth’s overpopulated crisis will soon be solved by heroic meteor

Chicken-shit asteroid veers away at last minute

Extraterrestrial nerds contact Earth

Hubble Kaleidoscope finds evidence of space looking all crazy (Image below)

My Combo: Extraterrestrial discovers condescending life on Earth 

Image from The Onion

Image from The Onion

On Satire Bits: Vol. 107

Heeeeee Haw …. it’s the first mid-week dose of satire since returning from the blogging break!

Hope your week has gone well so far. Something odd happened to me on Monday. I was out and about during lunch, so thought I’d stop by Taco Bell for something fast. After ordering two items and a small drink, the clerk asked for $2.58 while handing me a small cup for my drink. Quick math told me that wasn’t right, but I obliged … then looked at the bill to see “Senior Drink $0.00”.

Cincinnati weather has been fabulous of late, which is great because our golf league is one of the few still playing. Both my partner and I played well Tuesday, so it will be interesting to see the standings going into next week’s finale.

Below the image is your dose of mid-week satire to deliver a mid-week boost toward the weekend. Which is your favorite? For that extra challenge, make your original headline by using the words below to make a new combination. It’s easy … focus on the nouns and verbs to get you started. My combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

NASA announces plans to launch a chimpanzee to the Sun

Police department reduces cost by using same evidence for every investigation

Man confused by compliment from person whose career he can’t help

Person who will embalm you walking around out there

Voters clamoring to know if female political candidate a mother first

Man concerned he spread himself too thin between eating sandwich, watching television

Man in elevator in on conversation now

Man’s anxiety not about to let depression muscle in on turf

Area man knows exactly which relatives would be problem if he ever came into money

Roommates still don’t know each well enough to not speak

My Combo: Chimp plans to embalm political candidate who plans to launch mother in elevator to reduce costs