On Satire Bits: Vol. 107

Heeeeee Haw …. it’s the first mid-week dose of satire since returning from the blogging break!

Hope your week has gone well so far. Something odd happened to me on Monday. I was out and about during lunch, so thought I’d stop by Taco Bell for something fast. After ordering two items and a small drink, the clerk asked for $2.58 while handing me a small cup for my drink. Quick math told me that wasn’t right, but I obliged … then looked at the bill to see “Senior Drink $0.00”.

Cincinnati weather has been fabulous of late, which is great because our golf league is one of the few still playing. Both my partner and I played well Tuesday, so it will be interesting to see the standings going into next week’s finale.

Below the image is your dose of mid-week satire to deliver a mid-week boost toward the weekend. Which is your favorite? For that extra challenge, make your original headline by using the words below to make a new combination. It’s easy … focus on the nouns and verbs to get you started. My combo is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

NASA announces plans to launch a chimpanzee to the Sun

Police department reduces cost by using same evidence for every investigation

Man confused by compliment from person whose career he can’t help

Person who will embalm you walking around out there

Voters clamoring to know if female political candidate a mother first

Man concerned he spread himself too thin between eating sandwich, watching television

Man in elevator in on conversation now

Man’s anxiety not about to let depression muscle in on turf

Area man knows exactly which relatives would be problem if he ever came into money

Roommates still don’t know each well enough to not speak

My Combo: Chimp plans to embalm political candidate who plans to launch mother in elevator to reduce costs

On Satire Bits: Vol. 59

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I couldn’t resist using that video again this week.

How has your week so far? Have you had pleasant weather?

Tonight’s golf game was a feast-or-famine 9-hole event. I finished +7, but had four double bogeys (each +2). Simply bizarre.

By the way, a reminder that the next post is Time – The Musical: Act 3 featuring year(s).

For this week’s mid-week dose of satire, I dived into The Onion’s vault of treasures searching restaurants. Given the results, I decided to focus on restaurant chains, plus limit each chain with one headline. I even listed them in alphabetical order. Any favorites?

Have a good rest of the week.

Applebee’s manager stops by to see how takeout is going

Arby’s charging $2.99 to let customers go behind counters, grab handfuls of roast beef

Burger King introduces new healthy deep-steamed french fries

Chick-Fil-A debuts homophobic sandwich

Chuck E Cheese announces new lower prices, but restaurants will be dirtier

Dunkin Donuts/Baskin Robbins/Pizza Hut/Taco Bell/Long John Silver’s opens

KFC introduces new family-size nugget

McDonald’s unveils new senior citizens play place

New Starbucks open in restroom of existing Starbucks

Olive Garden server covered in sauce sprayed from customer’s mouth

Orange Julius officials ordered to appear before US Food Court

Ponderosa Steakhouse fire claims lives of millions of bacteria

Red Lobster taking up Vanguard in fight against women in the workplace

Taco Bell launches Morning-After Burrito

Wendy’s to phase out unpopular hamburger sandwich