Opinions in the Shorts: Vol. 295

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Regarding the return of the headstone in the post earlier this week. A grandson (in Columbus, OH) had it removed to add an engraving, but then decided to keep the stone. I discovered an obituary of a person in Columbus with that name who died last summer (June 25, 2015). Coincidence?

Last week I failed to mention the passing of Nancy Reagan. The longevity of recent First Ladies is amazing. WOW! Meanwhile, a tip of the cap to Nancy Reagan for demonstrating grace and love for her man.

Cincinnati is one of the regional locations for the final 16 in the college hockey tournament. Depending on the times, I may go. Meanwhile, college basketball’s March Madness is underway – Go ABK – Anybody But Kentucky!

Last weekend (and I think two weeks ahead of the rest of the world), we in the USA did our spring SkylineGreenforward into Daylight Savings Time … and the first week of is a struggle for many of us.

To celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, I continued my tradition to Skyline Chili served with green spaghetti.

Act 5 of Colors: The Musical is next on the musical agenda, which will feature the color blue,

  • All song titles must have Blue in the title
  • No forms of the word as blues, bluest, etc
  • No shades of blue (such as cobalt, indigo, aqua, blue-green, etc)
  • No compound words of blue (such as blue-blood, bluebird, bluejay)
  • No duplicate songs

My wife had a wonderful birthday this week.

I will have an Explore post this weekend.

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I was about to scold President Obama for delaying his Supreme Court Justice nomination, but he did so this past Wednesday. Although Republican logic for delaying the confirmation is very flawed, it is good for their partisans who are clueless enough to agree with flawed rationale – therefore allowing elected officials to drag the nomination of a qualified, consensus candidate to the highest court of the land into the political sewer of selfishness. After all, to the partisans, the nominator is more important than the nominee – and that is true on both sides of the aisle. Here a past post with my thoughts about the vacancy.

Governor John Kasich (R-OH) wins the important Ohio primary, but even if he won all the remaining delegates, he would go to the convention short of the number needed for the nomination. I’ve heard Kasich supporters here say he should get out of the race, he should stay, and he’s simply positioning himself for the VP slot.

Despite Elyse’s final plea for me to either vote against Donald Trump (R-NY) or vote in the Democratic primary, I accepted an “Issues Only” ballot. Then again, I also told her that voting in the Democratic primary was equivalent to voting for The Bloviator because it wasn’t a vote against him – to which she didn’t agree.

Good bye Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL) – and thanks for the poor showing in your home state. Hopefully a lesson learned – Don’t try to be who you aren’t.

Whether she meant it that way or not, Hillary Clinton’s (D-NY) comment regarding the coal industry will work against her.

Republicans explaining the current chaos in their party being President Obama’s fault got me thinking about other problems due to the current president – such as El Nino, Malaysian Air missing for two years, Oscar nominations, McDonald’s excluding McGriddles from their Breakfast Anytime Menu, latest flooding in Mississippi and Louisiana, Charo, the Cleveland Browns waiving Johnny Manziel, cost of airfare to Europe from Cincinnati, and my lactose intolerance.

Regarding the Republican chaos, I offer this possible explanation. Since President Obama took office, Republicans formed coalitions with other groups to oppose the president. However, this short-term coalition was unsustainable in the long run – so now they are paying the price.

A note for the political junkies. Not long after the 2008 election that put President Obama in the White House, I wrote this post about the Republican party. In light of the past 7 years and the current fractures with the GOP, readers may enjoy this look-back through the lens of what we know today.

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To lead you into your weekly dose of satire, The Onion explains how to reduce wasted food. 

Weekly Headlines from The Onion (combos welcome)
Nation reaffirms commitment to things they recognize
$4.75 cupcake scrutinized with jeweler’s eyepiece
Beautiful sunset wasted on a few schmaltzy bozos
First grader wants monkeypox
History sighs, repeats itself
Report: 83% of wise guys think they are really funny

Interesting Reads
Linking social skills and being bilingual (Thanks, Tim)
The island of no escape
The minaret of Allepo
Who was worse: Hitler or Stalin?
Death of the Stethoscope?
(Pictures) 10 beautiful ceilings

It’s been too long since I’ve sent you into the weekend with The Piano Guys. This video has beautiful scenery and is a unique rendition of a popular hit. Have a safe weekend and in the words of Garrison Keillor, Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Opinions in the Shorts: Vol 191

On Politics
Congress has been in session this week, which means little-to-no good things to say.

Lauren Green’s (FOX News) interview with Reza Aslan is a good example of why I don’t watch FOX News. Watch for yourself.

Why Washington continues to ignore infrastructure is beyond any good reason.

The Onion recaps 25 years of Rush Limbaugh.

Gotta love the news headline Way Too Much Weiner.

On This Week’s Headlines from The Onion
Congress fiercely divided over completely blank bill that says and does nothing
Vatican quickly performs damage control on Pope’s tolerant remarks
“Congratulations” typed in Facebook Comment bar reconsidered, then deleted
Report: Ape neurology much like banana-obsessed humans
Tiny advisor who lived in president’s ear dead at 83

Interesting Reads
Countries that will replace China
Taking National Review’s science to the woodshed
Chicago’s Great Ferris Wheel (by Jim, a visitor here, so tell him I sent you)
Weekend habits of highly effective people (Thanks to Tim)
Interactive map for WW I’s western front
The cost of not following doctor’s orders
Verifying death

On Potpourri
July is gone, but we had a great month of gasoline savings as we saved $3.35 per gallon on 20 gallons, then $1.00 per gallon on 24 gallons, and $0.90 per gallon on 22 gallons – which is slightly over $100 savings.

August is upon us, so it starts with International Clown Week (1-7) – as if Le Clown needs reasons to celebrate.

Friday (Aug 2nd) is International Beer Day and India Pale Ale Day – as if TBM needs a day to go to the pub. Saturday is National Mustard Day, Watermelon Day, while Sunday is National Chocolate Chip Day. (Yes, another reason for Graeter’s!)

Saturday also celebrates Coast Guard Day, so here’s a salute to the men and women serving!

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Thanks to participants in Time: The Musical – Act 5. Hopefully, Act 6 occurs in mid-August.

My wife and I recently received praise from each of our dental hygienists about improvement in our gums, which we and they say is due to using these picks.

I have planned a cartoon post for Saturday.

To send you into the weekend, let’s go full circle as I started it here last week and then featured them as open Act 5 … and I still don’t understand why they aren’t in the Rock and Hall of Fame – yet Boy George is. May this weekend fulfill your wildest dreams. In the words of Garrison Keillor, Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

On Satire Bits: Vol. 50

How’s your week so far?

Warm weather has sudden burst onto Cincinnati the past few days … and we could break 80 F (26 C) for the second consecutive day. Well, all that before the bottom falls out very soon.

Any favorites?

For those desiring a creative challenge, it’s combination time – so use any of the information in this headlines to develop a new headline. Mine is at the end

Eccentric man introduces new sweater to closet pals Colonel Coat and Captain Blazer

Frustrated inner city students running out of ideas to motivate teachers

Millions of human beings experiencing emotions about JJ Abrams directing Star Wars

Half of 26-year old’s memories are Nintendo related

Area man compares circle of friends to cast of Lost

Study finds working at work improves productivity

Marxist student has capitalist parents

Congressional panel to investigate old mansion

Nation would not be surprised if Chris Brown allegedly travelled back in time to punch Anne Frank

Study exposes risk of conducting research while driving

Torrent of soap issues exits wildly from unexpected part of dispenser

Creep one-word message from mom could mean anything

My Combo: Eccentric Congressional panel exposes creepy Colonel Coat, Captain Blazer, and Chris Brown

On Satire Bits: Vol. 49

Many thanks to everyone for all the comments regarding our 36th anniversary. We just returned from dinner at Seasons 52, a grill-based restaurant chain that is new to both Cincinnati and Ohio.  Given our first exposure to them, it was a thumbs up from us on this night.

Time for a mid-week dose of satire to propel everyone toward Friday. Which is your favorite?

For those wanting an extra challenge, use the information in the headlines (and only the info) to develop your own satirical headline. My combo is at the end.

Have a good rest of the week!

NASA searches for planet capable of supporting NASA

Roommate food pyramid updated to include 4 servings of someone else’s grains & cereal per day

22-year old gets job at website

Entire community stops to watch man struggling to work window blinds

Area man informed he has gotten haircut

Energy pointlessly kept closer

Divorced father waving up a storm for daughter

Bob makes sure apology was more insulting than original comment

Six year old slowed down her Mississippi’s upon request

Mechanic simultaneously replaced sparkplugs and held conversation without taking cigarette out of mouth

LA traveler stuck in traffic dreamed about being stuck in traffic in flying car

Huffington Post complete 63 million page “Where are they Now” slideshow of every celebrity ever

My combination: LA Mechanic simultaneously replaced sparkplugs and frantically waved for daughter while stuck in traffic

On Satire Bits: Vol. 46

With my project out of the way and tax information in the hands of an accountant, now its on to a variety of tidbits of things to do.

Seems like it’s a long time since the last bit of mid-week satire. Even though I wasn’t posting tidbits from The Onion midweek or in Friday’s Opinions in the Shorts, I was still gathering headlines from my favorite satire source.

I have more than normal because most of these have something to do with relatively recent news. Enjoy. Which is/are you favorite(s)?

North Korea returns to normalcy with synchronize disco jump-rope gala

Disappointed couple on 8-month waiting list to get married at the Pentagon

Girls Gone Wild Bankruptcy forces thousands of wet, wild party girls into tough job market

Chicago man bushes mound of snow from beef sandwich before eating it

Poll: 99% of human beings prefer big, slippery hound dog pope

Transportation Secretary hoarding traffic cones and stop signs before the sequester

Iran promises to end nuclear program in exchange for detailed diagram of atomic bomb

Les Miserables wins Oscar for most sound

Obama and Congress must reach deal by March 15, and then by April 11, and then by April 20th, and then by May 1st

Bus transporting Carnival cruise passengers crashes into sewage treatment plant

Hung-over Energy Secretary wakes up next to solar panel

I-95 diagnosed with highway cancer

Ben Affleck nominated for best friend of Matt Damon

Dead iPod remembered as expensive

College freshman roommate has had excuses to go home every weekend since August

Millions of human beings experiencing emotions about JJ Abrams directing Star Wars

Rod Stewart passes for elderly aunt

On Satire Bits: Vol. 43

How’s your week? So far, my week has delivered the unexpected. Nothing major, but a host of abnormalities. Then again, I deal with them and move on.

I really enjoyed writing yesterday’s post about the speck. Thanks to Robin for adding a wonderful video that contains many interesting facts. Elyse’s Stardust video was a good musical treat.

This post happens to be a milestone – #1,100. Many of you remember the party for 1,000 this past September, which was a lot of fun for me.

It’s time to step up to the celebratory buffet for a healthy scoop of midweek satire from The Onion. Any favorites?

Let’s add a twist. Given the information in the headlines and only that information, create your own original satire headline. In order to not spoil your fun, mine is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.

Congressman torn between meaningless pledge to anti-tax zealot, well-being of nation

Environmental ad campaign encourages turning shower off after showering

Hardass cop finally finds time to play games

First totally naked Marine shares thoughts about fighting in Afghanistan

CEO’s girlfriend wearing his suit around the house

New study finds primitive customers capable of buying tools from hardware store

Toddler leader calls for increased duck visibility

Victoria Secret fashion show a hit among people not knowing pornography exists

Nation’s grandparents voice concern over reading-light levels

Boy Meets World Spin-off a dream come true for fans who grew up in and still live in the ‘90s

Here’s my combination: CEO’s first totally naked girlfriend torn between buying tools and pornography of anti-tax zealot

On Satire Bits: Vol. 32

This week I did my first bout with leaves, so it will be a recurring event through late November or early December. Meanwhile, the we’ve had good fall weather and the Reds are ahead in the playoff series that is in progress. Let me set the stage for our mid-week dose of satire.

Yesterday I posted my thoughts of the book The Faith of Scientists. Long-time visitors here know that the interchange of science and theology is high interest to me. Plus, everyone knows of the battle involving evolution.

For your mid-week dose of satire, I searched The Onion’s archives on the evolution-creation issue, and surprise – there were enough for a post. Enjoy and have a good rest of the week. Any favorite?

Evolution Textbook Hidden Under Mattress

Area Musician Wants “Evolution is a Theory, not a Fact” Sticker for Guitar Case

Trilobite Reports Evolution Going Great

Evolutionists Flock to Darwin-Shaped Stain

God Introduces New Bird

Creation Museum Acquires 5,000 Year-Old T-Rex Skeleton

Sumerians Look on in Confusion as God Creates the World

Eons of Darwinian Evolution Somehow Produces Mitch

Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity with new “Intelligent Falling” Theory

Evolution to Begin Thursday

Person Believes in Evolution, Except for the whole Triassic Period

God Admits Humans Not Most-Impressive Creation

TV Listing – Nova: The Kansas Edition

Pat Robertson Says Pie not Delicious