I golfed Tuesday evening, and a round with no rhythm, poor execution, and even worse decision making adds up to one of my worst rounds – therefore – I need a laugh! So let’s go for a midweek chuckle courtesy of The Onion. Any favorites?
Earlobe Now Stretched Long Enough to Hang Self With
Area Moms Freaks Out Again for No Apparent Reason
Hopes and Dreams Crushed by Panel of D-List Celebrities
Desperate Small Town Erects World’s Largest Fiberglass Chili Dog
New Homeowner Suddenly Fascinated by Molding
Headlights Caught in Deer
Cool Cat Sitters Lets Cats Stay Up All Night
Alien World to Help Out Syria Since This One Refuses Too
91 Year Old an Expert at Outliving
Undergraduate Student Under Graduate Student
Americans Spend 90% of Waking Hours Starring at Glowing Rectangles
Microbrewer Trying to Work Dog into Name of New Seasonal Beer
On Politics
Looking back at the Arab Spring, it’s interesting to notice a different US position in Egypt, Tunisia, Syria, Libya, and Bahrain. Is that because of national values or national interests?
I about choked to death last week when I watched John McCain explain how the most important factor for selecting a potential vice president is the VP’s ability to step into the position if necessary. At the time in 2008, both my wife and I were undecided voters leaning to McCain, and it did not take long for his decision to lose our votes.
Gov. Romney says he deserves credit for the recent success of US Automakers. Really? On well, he will flip on the issue if the companies start to falter.
President Obama’s statement about gay marriage caught me a bit off guard. I’m not sure it will get him votes, but he may lose votes from independents over 50. No, it wasn’t a diverse from the economy. So I figure his reason must be campaign money.
As many rush to fix on VP Biden’s statement about supporting gay marriage as a key reason President Obama made his statement, I say the administration planned the Biden’s statement to gauge the next step.
As if we don’t have enough of these types on Capitol Hill, Indiana Republicans voters nominate (through their primary process) a self-proclaimed, non-compromising obstructionist. Good news is, there still is a general election.
On Headlines from The Onion
Half Sleeve of Oreos Lost in Home Fire
Man Confidently Strides through Beaded Curtain without Parting
Paula Dean Sponsors .05K Walk for Diabetes Research
Loophole in Curse Lets Archeologist Off the Hook
Nation’s Moms Invent New Recreational Drug to Worry About
Lone Wolf Gets Rookie Partner
On Potpourri
I claim not to write fiction. Any idea why I wrote the following last Saturday morning?
It was a normal Wednesday night on Trinniberg. On one side of town, Hanson went to the well one more time to give a rousing sermon about Alpha and the liaison. At the same time at El Padrino’s Café, Bodemeister, a local gemologist, finished discussing with Dullahan his perspective why daddy nose best – so it was time for him to finish this monthly short story for the Union Rags – “After eating a daddy longlegs, and being the optimizer that he is, the sabercat responded to Indy, his bartending friend, “Before I take charge Indy, I’ll take another.”
At this weekend’s services is our final handbell ring of the season. One of the two we play includes the “singing bell” technique, which involves moving a one-inch dowel rod about the rim of various big bells. (Explanation is similar to moving a finger along the rim of a wine glass to create a “singing glass”. Click here for the video of song with the technique.
I have a classic cartoon post planned for tomorrow. Hint: It’s a Looney Tunes character.
To help with readers with the the email avalanche from WordPress, I disabled the following comments by email option.
Because we traveled to the microscopic world this week, let’s travel into the weekend with a smile of place to visit. Have a good weekend everyone. In the words of Garrison Keillor, Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.
As my wife is cruising the Caribbean, I’m slaving away with chores, thus having very little time for myself. After two days at sea, a stop in Jamaica, and on the way to Grand Cayman, I imagine she’s ready to come home as soon as possible.
With all this in mind, here are a few headlines from The Onion to get us over the mid-week hump. Do you have a favorite among these?
Nobody Notices Postal Stamps Now $30
Arby’s Charging $2.99 to Let Customers go Behind Counter to Grab Handfuls of Roast Beef
New Desk Chair is a Boring Dream Come True
Area Man Carefully Weighs One Side of Argument
Area Man Forces Self to Drink Free Refill
FDA Urges Americans to Check Out Weird-Looking Potato
New Law Prohibits Kaleidoscoping While Driving
Australian Tournament Cancelled as Tennis Balls Fall Off Bottom of Earth into the Sky
Area Couple Vows Never to go Dildo Shopping Again while Horny
World’s Greatest Trombonist Just Tells People He Works in Marketing
Virulent Strain of Soy Flu Traced to Single Tofurkey
The first two days are in the book, thus Wednesday is the day that turns the corner while pointing to the weekend. As for me, I’m back to taking care of the around-the-house chores and having dinner ready when my wife arrives home. Tuesday night was this tasty version of chicken cacciatore from Food & Wine. Well, I did a bit of my on improv on the recipe.
Meanwhile, and for your amusement, here’s some past satire from The Onion for you to enjoy. Which is your favorite?
Study Finds Every Style of Parenting Produces Disturbed Miserable Adult
Department of Homeland Security Develops Security Cologne
Grandma Updates to Cordless Landline
Man Suspected Being Bumbling Spy
Car Alarm Turned Off Just as it was Getting Good
Late Working NASA Scientist Discovers Moon over My Hammy (a rimshot for those who need it)
Beach Reports All Good Shells Taken
Heartbreaking Country Ballad Paralyzes Trucking Industry
Plague of 17-Year Giraffes Decimates US Southwest
Man to Sail Around World to Decrease Awareness of Important Issues
Woman Begs Friend to take Dessert Menu away from Her
A Frank Angle 