How’s your week so far?
I’ve had a productive week so far, even though Cincinnati is in the midst of a several day blast of cold. Then again, we’ve got it easy compared to the people in the north central states and parts of Canada.
It’s time to step up to the celebratory buffet for a healthy scoop of midweek satire from The Onion. Any favorites?
Let’s add a twist. Given the information in the headlines and only that information, create your own original satire headline. In order to not spoil your fun, mine is at the end. Have a good rest of the week.
Man on Death Row seeks to read entire Harry Potter Series
Pathetic man states, “I am a brand”
Man discovered inside Nicholas Cage costume
Nobody at Capital One remembers why Vikings are in its ads
Half-dressed man frantically scrambles out of home after hearing Toyotathon deals won’t last long
Man wakes up from bender with financial problems solved
Department of Interior releases new stick
Different server brings order
Hardee’s introduces shame curtains for customers to eat behind
Long wait for big toenail to fall off nearly over
My combination: Half-dressed server inside Nicholas Cage costume in Toyotathon ad
A Frank Angle 
“Woman’s brain explodes as she tries to accept blog challenge.” (I would love to see other reader’s faces as they read this comment.)
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Elyse,
You should have seen my face when I was trying to figure it out! … then again, maybe this is the reason I generally don’t do or issue blog challenges.
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I often read these headlines before I go to bed, when I am really tired. The idea of picking a favorite is a challenge and then when I am supposed to be creative? Oh dear. Where’s my pillow!
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Elyse,
You are probably sharper than most even when you are seeking sleep.
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Not when I am trying to combine headlines. Seriously Iook at them and my heart skips a beat.
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🙂
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“Hardees introduces big toenails.” And I know a little about this subject. I once found a fingernail at the bottom of my ice cream shake. Slurp, slurp…
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Please tell me the movie version will feature Nicholas Cage.
Or at least, a man in a Nick Cage costume…
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Sounds like it’s Nick’s kind of movie.
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Oh boy …. not something to look forward to these days.
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Poor Mr. Cage seems to be popular with these today!
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Carrie,
YIKES! … but thanks for tapping into your experience. 😉
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“Half-dressed an wakes up in Nicholas Cage costume unable to remember why Capitol One ads have Vikings, scrambles out of house, grabs new Dept. Of Interior stick and screams “I am a brand!”. Convoluted enough for ya? 😉
I once had to run a D&D game in very cold weather. To introduce the players to the cimate, they came across a donkey with a blanket, on which were written the words “Mahoney’s Excavators. Well-digging a specialty.” Once they discovered the donkey was warmer than the air, they realised “it’s colder than a well-digger’s ass out here”! 😀 (It’s an old saying my dad always used. 😀 )
Hope your, AND especially my, skies drop as little frozen stuff as possible. Hang in there, 40s by early next week!
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John,
Cheers for you working in the new stick! Meanwhile, at least you don’t have to shovel with on a donkey … and hopefully you don’t have to shovel at all! If so, think about letting it melt!
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Man Wakes Up From Bender Inside Nicholas Cage Costume.
Because honestly, who hasn’t that happened to?
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Guapo,
ha ha … and from the one who has had a bender or two in his day! 😉
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“Vikings won’t last long on death row inside Nicholas Cage costume,” pathetic man states. 🙂
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Debra,
But the big questions are why: Why won’t the Vikings last in the costume? Why don’t anyone listen to the pathetic man? Why were the Vikings not satisfied with their dress?
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Nobody at Capital One remembers why pathetic man with brand was in a Nicholas Cage costume, but now man on death row won’t have any more financial problems. 🙂
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Jackie,
So the death row guy’s financial problems are solved by Capital One employees not remembering. 😉
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well that and he’s on death row. Doubt he’s too worried about any debts. 🙂
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🙂
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Ha Haa! This is indeed great stuff.
In a bar when folks were asked to acknowledge the person who has given them the greatest joy in life by standing next, the bartender was stampeded.
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Shakti,
I aim to please with bits from The Onion.
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Nah, I got nothing.
My week is going pretty well though to answer your first question!
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Vanessa,
That’s ok …good your week has gone well so far. Any favorites in the list?
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I hope the man on death row is able to finish the Harry Potter series before his execution xx
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Spiced,
That will be quite the challenge, but he has nothing but time on his hands.
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I’m a brand too … and so are you, Frank. *smile
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Viveka,
I am a brand … and I have a new stick to show for it!
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Man on Death Row states “I am a Brand”
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Val … and a brand that won’t last long.
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Department of Interior wakes up from bender; won’t last long
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Carolyn,
Ah ha …. the bender probably from a lavish party that was in the budget. 😉
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And if the Department of the Interior is anything like the Secret Service, you know what kind of “recreational services” would have been added to that budget! 🙂
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Absolutely!
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Joe Biden Acts as Ventriloquist for Beyonce at Inauguration and Belts Out Memorable National Anthem
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SDS,
We can always count on Joe.
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Man on Death Row seeks to read entire Harry Potter Series – I would grant him this, as long as he doesn’t ask for the 50 shades things
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Doggy,
Thanks for the laugh.
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Half-dressed man frantically scrambles out of Department of Interior when different server brings order…
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Cathy,
Thanks for explaining his reaction to the new stick.
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I know, they left that part out!
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Death Row Man Frantically Wakes From Half-Dressed Bender With Nicholas Cage To State Why Long Wait Won’t Last Long.
Man Discovered Inside Department of Interior Introduces Different Harry Potter Costume For Customers After Hearing Nobody Remembers To Read Entire Series.
Big Behind Brand Releases New Shame Curtains. Problems Solved.
Pathetic Man Seeks Financial Order At Capital One. Vikings Stick Man Up.
😉
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My week in Paradise is going well. A bit of gym, a bit of eating and drinking, socialising and of course doing the ironing. 😆 I had to Google ‘Hardees’, before I understood the “shame curtain.” 😀 I know all about the long wait for the big toenail to eventually fall of…..twice in my life. The other time, it came off in a split second….OUCH!! Even thinking about it 35 years on, it still makes my stomach do funny things. 😦 Have a great day, and keep warm.
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Paradise,
It appears that Hardee’s aren’t in south Florida … but there are in the state …. http://locations.hardees.com/hardees/cgi/region?country=US®ion=FL&design=default&lang=en®ion_name=Florida&option=&mapid=US
Now about that toenail experience … sounds like a reason to have a glass of wine. Cheers.
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Well thanks so much for the links, Frank. However, I don’t think I’ll be eating behind the curtain of shame any time soon. 😀
It’s a bit early in the day for wine, but I’ll raise a glass to you in the Sunset Lounge this evening.
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LOL … no curtain of shame for you! … and Cheers this evening!
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Long wait for big toenail to fall off half dressed Nicholas Cage …pathetic.
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Zannyro,
Oh my …. poor Nicholas Cage.
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Muwahahahahahaha!
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LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOL!
I can’t pick a favorite…..DON’T MAKE ME PICK A FAVORITE!!!!!!!
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Glad you liked these …. just wanted to make sure you saw them. … and I’ll be nice, no need to pick a fav. 😉
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I’m kinda partial to the toenail, but maybe not so much after hearing of Carries eeeeeuuuuuwwwww experience. My question is it s stick or a schtick?
What’s the fascination with the man crying, for heaven’s sake. Give the guy a moment, will ya!?!?!? Mayhap one day he’ll get an award for his crying, if he hasn’t already!!
🙂
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Kat,
The Dept of Interior came up with the new stick, but we know Congress needs a new schtick! Nicolas sure knows how to cry!
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How about “Pathetic man wakes up from bender inside Nicolas Cage costume.” Of the original headlines, I like “Different server brings order.” Because you know, that happens sometimes and it’s always noteworthy!
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Weebs,
Well well … Poor Mr. Cage is popular today! He must be crying as per the other videos already in the comments. 😉
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Still liking these a lot. Here’s one without Mr Cage
Pathetic Half-dressed man frantically scrambles out of Hardee’s after hearing customers behind fall off
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Fasab,
Mr. Cage has been a popular pick today,so I do appreciate the change of pace. … and well done!
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for the “real” headlines, i’m stuck between the “new stick” and the toenail. both were great. and the nick cage one as well mainly because i cannot stand him. he’s a poor actor who can’t enunciate. a good crop here.
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Rich,
The stick cracks me up. Meanwhile, because you are such a Cage fan, hope you saw the crying videos in the comments.
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yup. saw it. ugh.
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Its too late in the evening after a solid day where all I did is answer three questions: “paintings are up there, restroom is downstairs, and the elevator is just behind me” to think of anything original. Its astonishing how unoriginal tourists can be.
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Rosie,
Now that makes for a long day!
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I can empathise with the toenail line Frank!
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GFB,
Toenail empathy is very powerful.
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Very
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